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By June Cheong
Sarah (not her real name) lost her virginity when she was 14.
Now 17, she has had sex with several men. Although she does not regret having lost her virginity, she thinks she started having sex too young.
She said: "I loved the guy I lost my virginity to. We weren't just a boy and a girl who decided to go from kissing to sex.
"Even though we're not together now, we're still good friends."
Sarah's relaxed attitude to sex is typical of her peers. She learnt about sex by the time she turned 12.
She said: "We learnt about sex mostly from the Internet. There are things you want to know and you Google it. Boys also talk about stuff and I'd Google to find out so I don't look like I don't know about it."
Asked about sex education in schools, Sarah said the focus in her school's programme was more on contraceptives and childbirth and the screening of a "horrific video of a woman giving birth".
In spite of getting information on the Net, it wasn't until a few years ago that Sarah found out about sexually transmitted infections (STIs). That was when a friend caught genital herpes and developed painful sores on her genitals.
Sarah said: "She suddenly had blisters on her genitals which burst."
It had an impact on Sarah, who then realised the importance of protected sex.
Now, she said she insists on protection.
News of Sarah's friend getting genital herpes made its rounds among the mothers of her circle of friends. Sarah's mother was upset when she found out that she had been having sex with her boyfriend and insisted that Sarah see a psychologist to work out her issues with sex.
Sarah said: "In the past, I had sex with boys who were not my boyfriend but now I don't. I thought then it was an adult thing to do."
She added that talking about it with the psychologist has made it easier.
Asked if teenagers nowadays feel more pressure to try out sex, she said: "Those in relationships are probably very pressured. Sometimes, guys expect sex and if you don't give in, they know and you know they can get it elsewhere."
While she feels that sex should be within a stable, trusting relationship, she and her friends are caught in a different reality.
She said: "Singapore's supposed to be conservative but that's only what it looks like. Many teens are having sex."
"I don't want to be like my mother and have one man my entire life but I also don't want to be the woman where half the men at my wedding are people I've slept with."
This article was first published in Mind Your Body, The Straits Times on September 18, 2008.
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