Called hotline

It was then that she decided to call the hotline for the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS), and was first counselled by the late Mary Mathew, then the executive director of SOS.

They met in a room at the SOS office at Cantonment Close.

Ms Yin said: "Her (Ms Mathew's) warmth and gentleness as she listened gave me hope that I could survive the ordeal of my parents' suicide... These gestures were like a balm to an infected wound and a wounded soul."

When Ms Mathew died of lung cancer in 2006, Ms Ophelia Ooi, a senior SOS counsellor, took over to help Ms Yin.

Once Ms Ooi asked Ms Yin to think of her father's life as a book.

In response, Ms Yin envisaged 10 engaging, inspiring chapters of a devoted father, but with a tragic chapter 11.

Ms Yin said: "It suddenly dawned on me that there were 10 good chapters. I could choose which part of the book I wanted to read and re-read. I did not have to dwell on chapter 11 all the time."

After more than a year of counselling, Ms Yin joined a self-help group for survivors called the Healing Bridge.

The group met in the SOS training wing, where they spoke about their struggles and helped each other cope with the suicide of their loved ones.

Ms Yin, who is no longer receiving counselling, is now helping to facilitate such meetings.

Although three years have passed, there hasn't been a day that Ms Yin does not think of her father.

But instead of letting such memories overwhelm her, she tries to use them to remind her to empathise with other survivors who are just starting on their journey of recovery.

She declined to reveal her full name because she considers her parents' suicide a private affair, even though she is no longer ashamed of it.

In the book's preface, Ms Yin said she was glad to have written the book because "writing became increasingly therapeutic".

When she started writing, she could not even bring herself to write the word "suicide", and resorted to using the letter "s" as a substitute.

Ms Christine Wong, executive director of SOS, said that Ms Yin's generous sharing has helped others to be aware of the grief journey of suicide survivors, and has encouraged those who have lost loved ones to suicide to come forward for help.

"Yin's resilience and determination to help others with similar experiences have also enabled her to manage her own grief and help others cope with their loss.

"Through this book, we (SOS) hope to help those who are working through their own loss and grief."

Suicide survivors can seek help from SOS by calling the SOS hotline at 1800-221-4444, or sending an e-mail to pat@samaritans.org.sg.

This article was first published in The New Paper