By Dr ALBERT LIM KOK HOOI

COFFEE, Tea or Me? by Trudy Baker, Rachel Jones, and Donald Bain depicts the lives of two lusty young fictional airline stewardesses. The book, published in 1967, was written to emphasise the 'sexy' parts of the job. It was a reflection of the swinging 60s.

Then, men and women boarded an aeroplane in their finery, sipped champagne, and dined on caviar. Movies made in that era glamourised flying. Passengers appeared well-groomed throughout their flight, indulged in witty and intelligent repartee, and arrived at their destination without a stitch or strand of hair out of place. Some say those were the golden days of flying.

Things have changed. Fifty years on, flying is almost without exception, a torturous experience. Three hundred or so passengers are tightly squeezed together with hardly any leg, elbow, or spine room, in what is termed 'cattle class'. Interminable waits to use the toilet add to the indignity.

The fortunate ones in business and first class have it a bit better, although not much. Thirteen hours on a non-stop flight, breathing in oxygen-depleted, dry, recirculated air will render the hardiest in any class to feeling and looking like a wilted vegetable.

Coffee and tea are still served, but "or Me?" is now considered totally inappropriate. An air stewardess or air hostess is now properly called the gender-neutral flight attendant. To have champagne and caviar on a long haul flight in a first class seat would set you back about RM35,000 (S$15,032) these days.

Hence, I am still trying to figure out why my doctor friend (who should know better) boards a plane (for a short or long flight, be it economy or business class) wearing a lounge suit and tie! Is it to be stylish? Surely not. A suit will almost certainly crumple during a flight and a tie will go askew. Coffee and wine may splash on to a shirt as happens ever so often during air turbulence.

Perhaps he and similarly attired passengers are hoping for an upgrade from economy to business class or from business to first class. It won't work. One way of getting an upgrade is to know some hotshot in the airline administration or the head honchos in the cabin and cockpit. The other way is pure luck. Your class of seats have been overbooked and all passengers turn up for the flight.

Is my friend trying to impress the passport control officers, the security personnel, the cabin crew, and his fellow passengers? He won't go far. In this practical, anti-elitist and discerning world, an inappropriately dressed person will probably come across as a country bumpkin on his maiden flight dressed in the only suit he owns.