Emotionally drained

Leaving the hospital the second time, she was more determined to shake off her affliction.

Anorexia had left her with osteopaenia, a condition where the bone mineral density (BMD) is lower than normal peak BMD. She was also emotionally drained.

She said: 'I lost a lot of time and friendships.

'I became insensitive towards my then-boyfriend because I just felt numb to everything. We broke up eventually and the break-up became another excuse for me not to eat.'

Her road to recovery has not been easy. Miss Tan started skipping meals again when she returned to university in January.

She said: 'If people said I looked fatter and better, my mind couldn't process the word better, only the word fatter. It was overwhelming.'

But she managed to nudge herself back to normal eating habits, thanks to a strict meal schedule.

Now, she and her parents regularly sit down together to plan her meals - three days in advance - and her father acts as her 'minder'.

Even then, it was tough going for her and her parents.

Mr Tan said: 'If we missed a meal or she wanted extras and I told her not to take too much for fear of her bingeing, she'd fly into a tantrum like a spoilt child. She'd throw her food away or scrunch up her bread and stamp on it.'

The hiccups she experienced have led Miss Tan to appreciate her family and close friends even more.

She also started a blog about her journey towards health (http://nattietan.wordpress.com/).

She said: 'I want to eat like I used to. I know my relationship with food may never be the same.

'But I don't want to spend the next five years of my life with my weight yo-yo-ing.

'When you have anorexia, you're just existing. You don't enjoy life, people's company or gatherings. It's not living and I don't want that.'

junec@sph.com.sg

This story was first published in The Straits Times.