I am dismayed at the advice that was given by your counsellor to a reader in the Life Lessons column, 'How Do I Deal With My Mother-In-Law' (MYB, Dec19).

In my opinion, while it is commendable that the counsellor tried to see things from the mother-in-law's perspective, she might have inadvertently legitimised bullying in the family.

It is repugnant for anyone to prevent a daughter from attending her mother's funeral, even when she is pregnant or under confinement. There is no law or custom forbidding a woman from mourning her mother's death and I suspect that anyone who tries to impose such a draconian law is really trying to sever the mother-daughter bond under the guise of adhering to tradition.

The letter writer needed to mourn and come to terms with the loss of her loved one.

According to Chinese tradition, a daughter, married or not, has to show filial piety and real grief at her mother's passing.

The woman who wrote in would have been strongly criticised by family members and friends if she had failed to show up for the funeral rites. Some people would have labelled her as 'heartless' and 'ungrateful', thereby giving some credence to the old view that it is a waste of time and effort to raise daughters rather than sons.

I am also surprised by the counsellor's remark when she wrote '(I) don't quite understand the source of the conflicts' between the two women.

Such problems are very common in our society and are often swept under the carpet; everyone turns away and pretends that all's well in the family. Perhaps, she didn't wish to open this can of worms.

She made a strong stand against domestic violence of the physical kind, but I'm sure she realises that other kinds of abuse exist - such as the emotional and psychological types, which are equally damaging.

The naked truth must be faced: the older woman is domineering and unreasonable and I believe that her behaviour cannot be justified or explained away by the generation gap.