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June Cheong
Sat, Sep 06, 2008
Mind Your Body, The Straits Times
I'm not mad

Friendly, bubbly, charming. These adjectives describe Ms Charlotte Goh.

The 37-year-old marketing and communications director of a publishing company does, however, puzzle and even alarm strangers on occasion. That's when she suddenly jerks her arms, freezes her expression or kicks her legs out while walking.

She may even reach her hand out towards people's faces.

Ms Goh suffers from Tourette Syndrome.

This is a condition of the nervous system in which involuntary movements and sounds known as tics may suddenly erupt from time to time.

Ms Goh recalled with a guffaw that when she was diagnosed with the condition at the age of eight, she 'celebrated'.

She said: 'My parents thought my tics were bad habits and caned me. The doctor told them they couldn't cane me anymore and I was really happy.'

She is currently on Haloperidol, an anti-psychotic drug which helps to control her muscular tics.

Her retired father, Mr Charlie Goh, 83, said: 'Before she was diagnosed, I found her behaviour very strange and she made a lot of noise and was hyperactive.

'When I found out about her condition from the doctor, I knew then she couldn't help it and I accepted her as she is.'

Ms Goh said: 'I feel I can live through this because of my parents' love. As a kid, I used to hit myself in the stomach or the head, throw books or punch the wall when I got angry or frustrated.

'My mother didn't know what to do and would hug me tightly. Those hugs were important assurances of her love.'

Asked if her peers treated her differently, she said with a laugh: 'My classmates were cool about my condition. They said my voice was like a piano because I could go up and down the scales in a sentence.'

She worked hard in school to get good grades so that she could 'prove to everyone else that she was as normal as can be'.

She also joined sports clubs in school like swimming, judo and track and field because 'they were an avenue to release energy'.

However, there were constant thoughts of suicide and running away, until she was 14.

These were dark moments. Every time she became frustrated with homework, she would fly into a frenzy, banging on her study table and tearing her books up.

She recalled: 'I've broken so many study tables. When my father and I shopped for a new one, I'd bang on it to see if it was strong enough.'

Ms Goh eventually grew to accept her condition. She said: 'Hell begins in the mind and the key to happiness is in your mind too.

'You can't change circumstances. You can only change how you see things.'

Her tics are usually triggered by events like unexpected loud noises, crowds and feelings of anger or frustration.

Asked if she suffers from vocal tics - the most famous trait of Tourette Syndrome patients - she said: 'My usual vocal tic is like an outburst. When I'm outside, I curse under my breath but, at home, I say it out loud.'

Ms Goh's tics may come on when she's relaxed or running errands.

She said: 'When I'm totally focused like at client meetings or speaking in public, I don't have tics.'

These days, she tries to pre-empt strange looks by explaining her condition to people.

She said: 'As much as my tics have scared people, I've also started conversations with strangers. I see it as an opportunity to inform them.'

Most people she meets are kind and polite. She was, however, shocked by an encounter a few years ago.

The owner of a food stall in the city, where she was a regular, shook his fist repeatedly in her face one day, muttering obscenities non-stop before ending his tirade by calling her 'xiao' (crazy in Hokkien).

She said: 'That ruined my day. I never went back again.'

Ms Goh has never had problems finding friends or love.

However, Mr Goh said: 'I was worried about Charlotte finding a partner. She had four or five boyfriends who left her after finding out about her condition.'

Ms Goh is now happily married to a German stem-cell research scientist.

She said of her husband, Mr Hannes Hentze, 37: 'My tics can get quite bad but he's very understanding and will joke with me about them. I've learnt that laughter is the best medicine.'

Ms Goh added: 'Having Tourette Syndrome has not hindered me. It makes me who I am.'

While she hopes that her children, when she has them, will not inherit the condition, she is philosophical. She said: 'There's a 50 per cent chance and if it happens, there's no point worrying about it.'

This article was first published in The Straits Times on Sep 4, 2008.


For more The Straits Times stories, click here.


 

 
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