Proper parking sign

LEAVE your comfortable La-Z-Boys and expensive Herman Miller designer chairs at home.

Just bring along a cheap, foldable plastic chair or even a stool and you are eligible to park in this reserved carpark.

Hang on. Return that chair to your kid. We're just kidding.

Presumably, this sign is trying to tell people that parking is available only to people who have been allocated seats at some event.

So our suggestion is for the sign to just say: Parking only for patrons or Parking only for ticket-holders, lest we have any accidents caused by drivers scratching their heads in confusion.

Right back at you

YOU hate customer service and you hate getting feedback from customers. Most of all, you hate being polite and amicable.

In other words, you hate your job.

After a particularly long week, you now have to trawl through what you deem to be useless customer queries.

'Dear sir,' one e-mail reads. 'The vacuum cleaner doesn't work. What should I do? Please reply me back.'

You do everything in your power to keep from ripping your hair out.

'Dear sir,' you furiously type. 'Did you plug the vacuum cleaner in? More importantly, are you aware that 'reply me back' is an incorrect phrase, and is one that has caused me much distress?

'To 'reply' means to respond to someone, and the word 'back' is redundant.

'Also, whom else would I reply to, if not to you? You need only say 'Please reply'. Best regards.'

With great flourish, you hit the send button and congratulate yourself on an e-mail well sent...that is, before you realise your supervisor has been standing behind you all this while.

The Olympic dream

PERHAPS it is all the recent talk of sporting events, but you are suddenly inspired to start working out.

Your usual idea of exercise is walking from the bus stop to the lift at work, so imagine the look on your sister's face when she comes home one day to see you doing aerobics in the living room.

'Wah! Since when did you get so health-conscious? Training for the olumpics (or-lum-picks), are you?'

You stand up with as much dignity as your creaky joints allow.

'It's Olympics. The middle syllable is pronounced as 'lim', not 'lum'.'

Your sister pretends that she has not heard you. 'Hey, I bought that famous durian cake you love. Want some?' she asks innocently, holding up a plastic bag.

All of a sudden, your urge to exercise starts to fade away.

This article was first published in The Straits Times on Mar 2, 2008