By Reggie J

COURTESY is for free.

Courtesy is for you and me.

Courtesy is our way.

Our way of life.

Remember this ditty in 1979? There was even a smiley logo that accompanied it.

The jingle was sung to the rafters, in the classrooms, on TV, in community centres and just about everywhere we went.

Life was simpler then. But much has changed since and courtesy got left behind in the old non-aircon bus.

It must have been left there because when we get off the bus and go home, we're not polite or gracious.

Do we say 'thank you' to our parents or spouse or children when we should? Or apologise when we have hurt a loved one or done something wrong?

Good grief, we show the worst manners to the people we live with.

No wonder Mr Koh Poh Tiong, chairman of the Singapore Kindness Movement, thinks transformational change 'may take a generation, or two generations or three generations'.

Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew is also pessimistic about when we'll change.

I share their view because courtesy and graciousness begins at home.

Even before we talk about how we deal with tourists, let's take a long hard look at how we treat and teach family members.

Ask yourself: Is my home a hellhole or a wonderful place with truly civil people?

Parents who don't take the trouble to set a good example; kids who don't bother to show respect.

More's the pity when so much money is spent on private tuition for everything except good manners.

There's no textbook for a sense of decency, tolerance, respect and appreciating the other person's point of view.

No exam, no learning?

There's no exam on it. It's not compulsory like the learning of mother tongue.

That's why we have a coarse tongue.

Children learn from adults. If they hear bad language, they will mimic it.

When I was in school, we had a subject called Civics. Till today, I do not know exactly what it meant, but I can tell you we learnt a lot about people and places and how to conduct ourselves.

Former deputy PM Tony Tan, an old boy of St Patrick's, recalled last week that although he could not remember the content: 'I learnt to be responsible, disciplined and to be the best that I can be.'

Time for a new compulsory subject for all schools: Civil tongue?

The STB has just announced the appointment of Ms Aw Kah Peng as Chief Executive from January2009.

Courteous behaviour should be high on her agenda. Reason: In 2010, we open our doors to the world when we host the Youth Olympic Games.

Let's aim for the only gold medal that is really worth winning - the one we give ourselves for world-class graciousness.

This article was first published in The New Paper on September 3, 2008