By Yen Feng

When it comes to things that rock your world, there is nothing more painful than a broken heart.

Having an unrequited crush on someone can have the same effect. Not being noticed, or rejection, can be crushing.

In fact, unreciprocated affection can be deadly: Figures released by Samaritans of Singapore, a suicide support group, ranked "relationship problems" as the top reason teens called for help.

Last year, of the 2,324 teens who called the helpline, 14 of them - seven boys and seven girls - went on to take their lives.

But though it forms such a huge part of growing up, the topic of crushes and relationships is still largely unexplored in schools.

Teens, in general, shy away from discussing it because they feel awkward about their emotions.

In a Media Club column last week, Tanjong Katong Girls' Sec 2 student Marissa Yeo voiced the concern of her peers: "There are some of us who would prefer to lead a life free from having to think of getting serious about relationships yet," she wrote.

But because it is such an intense experience of teen life, IN decided to go deep into the issue.

We polled 23 students - 13 girls and 10 boys - who shared with us their personal experiences and how they dealt with their pain.

The responses were varied.

While some openly declared their emotions to their crushes, others, mostly girls, kept it a secret.

Those who did keep it a secret commonly said they didn't want to be hurt, or were afraid it would turn the person off.

"No way," said Song Ling Hui, 15, a St Nicholas Girls' Secondary 3 student, when asked if she would make her feelings known. "He might freak out and not talk to me any more."

Still, getting to your crush has never been easier, thanks to the proliferation of online blogs, social networking sites and e-mail.

In fact, for most teens, "cyber-stalking" the object of your affection is just a Google click away.

Jesslyn Tan, 15, went so far as to pretend to be someone else on MSN to chat with her crush.

"I found out his e-mail and added him to a fake account I had created," said the Sec 3 Siglap Secondary School student.

"But I stopped after a few days. I felt kind of stupid because he didn't know it was me he was talking to."

Psychotherapist Richard Lim says it may not be a bad idea to let your feelings be known.

"If possible, try talking to the object of your affection and get to know the person for real.

"This often breaks the strong spell so that we can relate to the person in the real world."

Having good friends whom you can confide in and unburden yourself to can be helpful, too, he added.

IN's poll showed that most boys shrugged off the need to talk to others about their feelings. Girls, however, said they would welcome advice from their best friends, parents or teachers.

That makes sense. After all, it's not easy to be rejected by someone. And that's especially true of fragile teens.

"That's the big reason why it hurts so much," said Dr Carol Balhetchet, director of youth services at the Singapore Children's Society.

"Teens don't see rejection as just a rejection of friendship, but as a rejection of who they are - as a person. It's a big bash to the ego.

"Teens take rejection very personally."

Add to the mix the challenges of puberty - making friends, peer pressure, bodily changes - and it's easy to understand why your life can sometimes feel like a Greek tragedy.

It can even lead you to do some pretty silly things just so you can get your crush's attention.

"Ironically, teens go to extremes because they feel they don't have enough time, so everything has to happen now," added Dr Balhetchet.

"With such high expectations, rejection can lead teens into a morose state for months."

Teens agreed.

Those polled said it can take them two weeks to five years to get over someone.

"It really depends," said Portia Tan, 14, a Sec 2 student at Ang Mo Kio Secondary, when asked how long it took her to get over her crush. "When you know, you know."

In the end, Dr Balhetchet advised those in pain to try and look on the positive side of their situation. Time will heal the hurt.

"There's always something you can learn from your experience. The pain will go away and you will become more informed and more intelligent about picking the right person for yourself."

WHAT IS A CRUSH?

A crush, unlike a relationship, is a one-sided affair. You feel a strong attraction to someone you barely know, for reasons you hardly understand. A crush is a fantasy of love.

This article was first published in IN DEPTH, a publication of The Straits Times on Sept 15, 2008.

For more The Straits Times stories, click here.