Dear Troubleshooter:

I'm a housewife in my 40s. My son is now 21 years old. Having graduated from a famous, academically elite high school, he now attends university. According to his professors, he is trusted by his friends and is a top-ranked student.

I'm very proud of my son. But one year ago, he met a woman who had been working for three years, and they started dating. I recently found out that they sometimes stay at a hotel.

I'm totally against their relationship. I'm very concerned, so I told him in writing what I'm feeling as his mother. But he hasn't told me anything about this matter.

He seems to be planning to attend graduate school and is not thinking of marrying her so far, but his future will be ruined if she becomes pregnant. I think there is a more suitable person for him.

My husband only says we have no choice other than to wait and see what happens, as we have already told him what we are feeling. We get into arguments over this matter and I have sunk into despair for the first time in my life. I'm now seriously thinking of even seeking a divorce if my son is going to continue seeing her.

S, Saitama Prefecture

Dear Ms. S:

You say you feel hopeless as your son, who has grown up as you wish, is seeing a woman you don't think appropriate for him.

Well, what did you think when you gave birth to him 21 years ago? Did you think you wanted him to go to graduate school and marry a woman who was ideal for you? Did you think, if he wouldn't do that, you would get a divorce? It must have been different. Didn't you just hope he would grow up healthy?

Your son has grown up without any particular problem, and is trusted by people around him at university. Isn't that wonderful? I want you to notice that you are blessed with many wonderful things.

You may not like my answer. But you may never be satisfied, no matter how many good things happen to you in the future unless you realize what wonderful things you have already.

People can be satisfied with their life only when they have chosen it for themselves. Please respect your son's choice.

It is not the act of a grown-up to express your disgust toward your husband by seeking a divorce.

Junko Umihara, psychiatrist

This article was translated from the Oct 12 issue of the Yomiuri Shimbun.