By CHIA HAN KEONG

WHAT separates great sports coaches from merely good ones?

I pondered this question long and hard after I read a friend's Facebook note last week.

He wrote about how he has hated losing since young, and decided to shut himself away from all kinds of confrontation, just so that he would not become a monster of a man - throwing tantrums and smashing chessboards, among many other raging reactions to losses.

Now, I'm not here to judge my pal's method of dealing with the darker aspects of his personality. But his note got me thinking about sportsmen, especially those who make a living out of their sport.

It is perhaps ironic, given that most of these professionals hate losing just as much as my friend does, that they are in a business where they must lose, and lose often.

No sportsman can win every game he takes part in and, so, the bitter pill of defeat is something to be swallowed time and time again.

Here's the crucial mantra, repeated by almost everyone in every sports discipline, from Fandi Ahmad to Kobe Bryant to Tiger Woods: How a sportsman deals with disappointment determines how successful he will be.

Some of you may recall an old Nike television commercial featuring Michael Jordan, a sporting legend with a near-pathological desire to win, recounting the number of times he missed a winning shot, failed to make a winning pass, and lost a basketball game.

'I've failed so many times,' the six-time NBA champion intoned in the ad, 'and that is why I succeed.'

But how does one make the jump to deal effectively with losses and thrive, especially when losing is such a jarring emotion that contradicts our survival instincts?

Here's where great coaches can make a difference: Good ones teach sportsmen how to win, but great ones teach them how to lose. A great coach like the Los Angeles Lakers' Phil Jackson does not call a time-out whenever his team of adult basketball professionals hit a rough patch.

By removing himself as a safety blanket, Jackson forces his players to confront the spectre of defeat. If they fail, they get no recrimination from him - only the chance to face failure again in another game. A great coach like Alex Ferguson cajoles his Manchester United footballers - either through paternal kindness or sheer terror - into making up for every rare loss with a winning streak.

Most of all, a great coach cares less about results than the overall character building of his charges. It is difficult to find such mentors, especially in such a result-oriented business like pro sports.

That's why it is important for such coaches to be around young sportsmen, at a time when every victory and defeat crucially shape their psyche.

Had my friend met such great coaches when he was younger, he may very well have learnt to confront his demons in far different ways.

And I am certain he would have gained from losing.

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