Indeed, the rise of the New Age parent has been bolstered by resources such as Singapore-based website TheAsianParent.com which has more than 50,000 members.

At Focus On The Family, about 32,000 parents have attended parenting courses since the group started them in 2003.

MRS MAY GWEE (with husband Peter and children Gregory, 10, and Georgia, five) who uses the cane. (ST Photo)

Interest groups under the People's Association umbrella have popped up for the exchange of parenting tips and mutual support. More than 80 grassroots leaders have been appointed as Family Life Champions.

Experts say the rush towards modern parenting boils down mainly to two reasons. Working parents do not want to spend the little time they have at home being harsh with their children and with exposure to different kinds of media, children now develop faster and must be taught differently.

For full-time mother-of-two Su-Lyn Meyer, 35, a book and course called Redirecting Children's Behaviour taught her about "empowered parenting".

To get her 3-year-old boy Lucas to take his shower, she first empathises with him ("I know you would rather play with your toys than go for a shower") and then gives him a choice ("Would you like to walk or do you want me to help you?").

She says: "He understands that he is being heard. A child of that age still likes to have control."

The desire among New Age parents to make a change often stems from unhappy memories of their own childhood.

Madam Maryam Shaistah, 29, grew up in a family where "spanking, pinching, screaming, belittling, labelling, criticising, shaming and instilling fear were the norm". She says she had low self-esteem.

Now, she uses the opposite approach with her two children. "No caning or scolding is used in our family," she says.

It worked on her two-year-old Misha, who went through a naughty spell where she would hit the family cat Kiki for no reason. Madam Maryam, a housewife, says: "We patted Kiki lovingly and guided Misha's hands to do the same. Showing a toddler what they should do instead of what they shouldn't has proven to be more effective."

While it all sounds hunky dory, the danger of New Age parenting is that kids used to a more lax environment at home may find it difficult to adapt when placed in a different system, says Mr Brian Yeo, a child psychiatrist in private practice.

"The trouble is, society has not gone that way. What happens when the kid goes into Primary 1 where the education system is still quite structured?" Parents, he adds, have to tell their children that things might work differently outside home.

There is the risk of children becoming "over familiar with loose boundaries and the hierarchy of the family is lost", essentially how spoilt children are bred.

And ultimately, any parenting method has to adapt to a child's inherent characteristics, says Dr Daniel Fung, senior consultant and chief of child and adolescent psychiatry at the Institute of Mental Health.

But for every New Age parent, there are others who call themselves traditionalists.

Mrs May Gwee, a 39-year-old freelance public relations consultant, still canes her two children, Gregory, 10, and Georgia, five "especially when they did dangerous things like touching the light switches when they were younger".

"I tried the "soft" method but it didn't quite work. I think they need to feel some pain to learn... I'm quite traditional in the sense that I believe you must honour your parents."

She adds: "I tell them: Yes, we can be friends but at the end of the day, I'm still your parent."

This article was first published in The Straits Times.

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