By Alison Ratcliffe

WHAT a setback for Antoine Assale Tiemoko.

There the Ivorian political activist was thinking he'd been championed by a world-famous millionaire footballer.

Then he finds out Salomon Kalou's goal celebration on Wednesday was in honour of a WWE wrestler known as the Doctor of Thuganomics whose signature move is the Stepover Toehold Facelock.

Bummer.

Kalou's goal routine involved crossed wrists, handcuffs-style. This just a month after countryman Tiemoko was recently released from jail after speaking out against corrupt judges.

The FA could only assume the striker was trying to make a point about the state of criminal justice in the Ivory Coast. Well, you would, wouldn't you?

When Chelsea take on Liverpool tonight, Kalou might like to remove all doubt by following up the wrist-crossing with a Fireman's Carry Powerslam on Didier Drogba.

That would teach Rafa Benitez what 'crazy' really is. In case you missed it, speaking after Liverpool's draw with Wigan, Rafa complained that, 'the second half was a crazy game and when it is a crazy game you can't control things. Why was it crazy? Because it was crazy.'

Complaints

Most people seem to agree that 'crazy' is Raf-ish for 'bad refereeing' or else possibly 'Wigan's physical approach'. If it's the rough stuff he's complaining about, I have a suggestion.

Let's call it 'Club Swap'. Now as far as I know, you haven't had the pleasure of viewing the reality TV show Wife Swap in Singapore. It involves two families from very different backgrounds - can you guess? - swapping wives for two weeks.

The neat wife has a nervous breakdown after living in the messy house for a fortnight and being treated like dirt by the slobby husband, while the messy wife has a nervous breakdown after living in the prim wife's antiseptic home with her robotic family.

So how about Rafa taking charge of Wigan for a while, with Steve Bruce moving in at Anfield. I'd love to see Rafa serving up a feast of flowing football every week on the meagre housekeeping Brucey has to manage on.

In fact, a slightly-sheepish Rafa admitted the other day that he may even have used stifling tactics himself once or twice when he was boss of Extremadura (not an extra-strong dessert wine, but a lower-league team from western Spain).

Bruce's team

In the next episode of Club Swap, we see how Bruce, more used to piecing together a team from the likes of Mike Pollitt, Michael Brown and Mido, gets on when he has to deal with Jamie Carragher, Steve Gerrard and Fernando Torres!

Will he crack under the pressure? Or perhaps, giddy with excitement, he'll go crazy and producing an exciting attacking team.

Perhaps he'll use the outrageous skill at his disposal to build an adventurous formation, or keep his most creative players on the pitch when he's playing lesser teams and the result is in the balance.

Perhaps he'll beat those teams rather than notching up draws. Perhaps Rafa could be out of a job.

At least when Chelsea used to be dull, they were winning matches. As it is, tonight's Anfield battle to finish second in the Premier League will be between two teams whose frailties would fit well in a reality TV show.

Chelsea: defence unstable, full-backs liable to attack without warning, depressed in-debt owner. Liverpool: mentally constipated, manager on the edge, expensive striker creatively blocked.

Fantastic! Give me a beer, a sofa and a widescreen telly, and a lazy Sunday laughing at other teams' misfortunes. It's great to be British.