Swap the concrete jungle for a bamboo forest in the Golden Triangle, Thailand, if you want to experience luxury camping.
Chiangrai, not Chiangmai,"I said to the lady from Novotel Hotel, Bangkok, rolling the "r" across my tongue. But it was too late.
She had already booked my flight ticket to the wrong destination and that minor spelling mistake was proving to be a major nightmare. That night, visions of my five-star holiday to Four Seasons Tented Camp Golden Triangle flew out the window as I learnt that all flights to Chiangrai had been snapped up.
A world of luxury awaits, like the rainshower
There are two ways to reach the Golden Triangle from Kuala Lumpur: Fly to Chiangmai, and take a three-hour ride to the Golden Triangle or fly to Bangkok, and take a domestic flight to Chiangrai. From the airport, it's another 70 minutes before you reach the Golden Triangle, a 195,000sq km area where the borders of Thailand, Laos and Myanmar converge.
The Tented Camp is really quite remote . . . as were my chances of going there.
But then, after a few more phone calls and the assistance of Roxy Sharif, the front office manager, everything was settled and I was good to go. I slept soundly that night.
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Walk on the wild side
The three-hour drive from Chiangmai airport to East Port in Chiangsaen, north of Chiangrai took us past vast paddy fields and quaint houses fronted by large, black rubber "cauldrons", which I later realised were rubbish bins.
"This way please," said Somkid of the Four Seasons Tented Camp when I reached East Port, where I was to board a river boat to get to my destination.
As the sleek, long-tail boat sped along the Mekong, Somkid pointed out Myanmar to the north and Laos to the east. The proximity of these countries has created a mixed staff at the camp, and naturally the restaurant there serves the best of both worlds, or in this case, the best of three countries.
From the Mekong, we turned into Ruak River and arrived at a small jetty. Climbing up the wooden stairs, I was told to strike a giant gong as hard as I could to announce my arrival.
There came the reply of tinkling Burmese bells as I made my way to the reception and was presented with sweet coconut water, which I sipped through a bamboo straw.
Inside the tented camp
Home for the next three days was a secluded Thai jungle, which interior designer and landscape architect Bill Bensley had helped to aesthetically enhance with bamboo, lilies and resort luxury.
Fifteen exclusive luxury camps, all sharing a common layout but each with its own theme, had been built along a 1km hillside trail. Camp No 1 was called the Elephant Tented Camp because, on a good day, you could watch the elephants bathing. The Butterfly Tent had hundreds of butterflies, gently pinned onto the wall, while the Culinary Arts Tent had all the equipment that an accomplished cook would need to whip up a dish in minutes.
I settled on The Textiles Tent, which was furnished with hand-woven bed runners, a makeshift weaving loom and textile-related manuscripts.
To get there, I climbed up a winding mountain path and crossed a 100m-long suspension bridge overlooking a slightly murky lily pond.
Built on elevated ground, the tented camp sat on stilts with the so-called tent serving only as a roof covering an elegant 53sq m interior furnished with hardwood flooring and custom-made fixtures. Horn-shaped tap handles decorated the "his and hers" sinks, illuminated by hurricane lamps while a giant bucket spewed forth water in rain-shower style.
Inside the tent, canvas and plastic functioned as zip-up "windows" that screened out mosquitoes. And for added measure, a cute, clay baby elephant hid inside it a mosquito coil.
The hand-hammered copper bathtub sitting in the middle of the room was big enough for two and very inviting. Almost everything was handcrafted, making full use of local talent and resources. Outside, the sun-deck " about half the size of the room " housed a comfortable day bed where one could laze and watch the world go by.
If only all jungles had air-conditioning, hot water and high-speed Internet access.
On the first night, I returned from dinner to discover a hot water bottle peeking from underneath the blanket. I hugged my warm "friend" and slept like a baby. That is, until I was woken up at 4am by the sound of loud drilling.
Luckily, I had been warned by the camp manager's wife about a screaming bug that sounds like a buzz saw. Guests have been known to call the lobby and demand that the non-existent construction work be stopped.
Heavy rain the next night gave new meaning to my outdoor rain shower. I was getting the real deal! That night, I pulled back the sheets half-expecting to see chocolate hiding underneath. My disappointment at the lone water bottle disappeared when I discovered an entire plate of chocolates by the bedside table.
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Eat your heart out
Holidays are no time to diet, and I happily scoffed down a hearty breakfast of Home-made Banana Pancakes (delicious!), Cinnamon French Toast and fresh passion fruit juice.
Get ready to get wet during mahout training
The chef makes a pretty mean Eggs Benedict too. The camp's one and only restaurant, Nong Yao, serves both Western and local fares that can be mixed and matched. But if you're tired of eating at the same place three days in a row, get the ever-obliging staff to set up a romantic dinner for two near the elephant camp, so you can wine and dine under the stars.
And if you're missing some home-cooked food, you can visit the local market, buy back some frogs and ask the chef to whip up a French dish, which is what one couple did.
The camp is the Four Season's first all-inclusive jungle experience, and their package includes accommodation, airport transfers, selected activities, and all meals and beverages including house wine and spirits. It's sort of like a Club Med, but with five-star service and amenities.
Here, the staff stop to wai (clasp their palms together) and let you pass, and every request made is met with a "Certainly sir/madam", and a smile.
Take me home!
Just before leaving, I discovered the baby elephant mosquito coil holder which I adored so much sitting inside The Trading Post, the camp's souvenir shop which offered, among other things, elegant photo frames in stingray and crocodile skin. Outside, an old lady sat weaving the beautiful fabric bags that hung in my room and which I was allowed to bring home.
But more importantly, I took home fond memories of an amazing experience that bore the hallmark of a Four Seasons property. So till the next Four Seasons Resort, I wait with bated breath.
Six things to do at the Four Seasons Tented Camp
1) Watch the sun set over Myanmar
How often do you get to watch the sun setting in one country whilst standing in another?
Burma Bar, the camp's thatched-roof, open-air bar takes full advantage of its unique location to offer you a picturesque view of the sun setting, or rather hiding and disappearing behind the hilly forest of Myanmar.
If you're a little early for the "show", keep your jaws busy with the scrumptious raisin cookies (the best I've ever had!) and banana chips, and your throat lubricated with Opium - a brew of light rum, dark rum, créme de cacao, lime juice and light coke.
2) Invite the baby elephants for breakfast
Come morning, you won't be the only one with a rumbling tummy. The baby elephants need to be fed too so don't be surprised to find them waiting at the restaurant for their breakfast - a huge basketful of ripe bananas.
Guests are invited to feed the elephants but the animals are fast eaters and greedy, so watch out lest you get entangled in a maze of trunks.
3) Spoil yourself with spa treatments
I'm told you won't find this spa treatment anywhere else in the world: the Mahout Recovery Treatment.
If you had to mount an elephant by jumping over its head, you'll understand why you need this.
The Oriental massage is a familiar one, albeit done with more love and care. But it is the large, heated poultices filled with camphor, lime and lemongrass, placed under the legs which do the trick as the warmth seeps through and soothes the aching hamstring muscles.
4) Learn how to be a mahout
The camp's elephant trainers are referred to as mahout, and they're the best people to teach you how to control an elephant, because it's one thing to ride an elephant and a whole other challenge to command the animal to walk, lift its leg, turn and most importantly, stop!
And riding doesn't mean saddling down or being strapped inside a basket. Don't worry, no one has fallen . . . yet.
5) Explore the Golden Triangle
You really can't escape the visits to the temple, but one in particular, Wat Chedi Luang, claims to store parts of the remains of the Buddha so it's worth a visit for some. A short stop at the local market will reveal the usual as well as some interesting fruits and wild mushrooms.
But the best part of the journey is riding on the Skylab, the local version of the Harley Davidson, which can turn right, left and even turn over.
6) Take a walk through the Hall of Opium
The Golden Triangle is where opium was once harvested and processed into heroin before being smuggled out of the country.
Called "black gold", opium contributed to a history of crime and corruption that wrecked lives, ruined countries and caused wars.
In 1988, the late mother of the king of Thailand, HRH Princess Srinagarindra set about rehabilitating the hill tribes living in the forests of the Golden Triangle by introducing agriculture (coffee and macadamia nuts) and handicraft to end their dependence on opium, prostitution and child labour.
To encourage the fight against illegal drugs, she initiated the construction of the Hall of Opium at Golden Triangle Park, a surprisingly modern museum that details the history of opium and the bitter truth about the impact of illegal drugs.
