Learn how to keep from falling off an elephant at the Four Seasons Tented Camp.

In Thailand, an elephant trainer or rider is referred to as kao-chang but in the Four Seasons Tented Camp Golden Triangle, they go by the more familiar Indian word mahout.

The Tented Camp is a luxury accommodation hidden within a bamboo jungle in the heart of the Golden Triangle, the convergence point of Thailand, Laos and Myanmar. All six elephants housed in the camp were rescued from the streets as part of an ongoing programme to provide domesticated elephants with a safe and more humane environment.

Here, the elephants only "work" during mahout training activities. Otherwise, they are privileged guests who have access to an endless supply of bananas and sugarcane. They also get to play in a 0.8sq km patch of forest while enjoying the facilities of a five-star camp - all without having to pay a dime.

Take your elephant on a trek through the jungle

The making of a mahout

The first step towards becoming a mahout is to learn the art of wearing a mahout uniform: shirt, pants and sash. The pants are a little tricky and require a wrapping technique which, if you can't pull off, will leave your bottom looking extra padded.

The sash isn't ornamental, it's your life-saver! Tied around the waist, it's what the mahout uses to haul you up the elephant and keep you from tumbling down.

The next step is to memorise the basic elephant commands: pai to go forward, baen to turn, sock to go backward. Of course, you also have to learn how to get the behemoth to stop.

The elephant's skin, you will notice right away, is downright leathery, dusty and a little dirty. But at least the animals here are bathed every day and don't stink. And if one of their inquisitive trunks happens to feel you up, you'll have protection in the thick denim of the mahout's uniform.

Unlike the rides I've been on where you get saddled up lest you tip over and do a humpty-dumpty, the elephant rides here are done bareback. There is nothing between you and the elephant, save your uniform.

You get to sit right in front, with the mahout at the back holding on to your sash for obvious reasons. Make sure you sit on the twin humps of the elephant's head - the "business class" seats, if you like - otherwise you'll feel very uncomfortable when the animal starts moving.

Driving lessons

Elephant camp in Thailand

There are three ways in which to mount an elephant.

One, you command the elephant to lift its leg to create a step which you can then use to climb. Or two, command the animal to sit, whereby you hoist yourself up while holding onto its giant ear. Or three - which can be physically challenging - you get the elephant to lower its head so that you can hop over it and do an about-turn to face the front.

But you might need a hot compress to soothe your sore hamstrings after that last technique!

Once you've mastered all three mounting techniques, you're ready to "drive" an elephant, or navigate it through poles similar to what one encounters at driving school.

To start, keep chanting pai until you're ready to turn, and then shout baen. My elephant, Tong Kam, had her own mind and happily skipped a few poles, taking a short-cut through the route.

A restless creature, Tong Kam, whom the mahouts call "dancing girl", sways her body from side to side in dance-like motion whenever she's left to wait.

Just the opposite of her is 50-something-year-old Kam Mool, the "old lady" of the lot, who is rock steady.

But don't be fooled by Kam Mool's cool demeanour. Once, the elephant left the camp and walked to Myanmar, west of the camp.

She managed to find her way back but when Tong Kam followed in her footsteps, mayhem ensued as the camp went through a long process of showing the authorities in Myanmar that the elephant did indeed belong to them. The elephants are now chained at night.

Command to drive an elephant

The last part of the mahout training activity involves using everything you've learnt earlier to command an elephant along a jungle trek, or rather though a trek that leads to the animal's "jacuzzi", where you'll get wet if your elephant is as playful as mine.

My elephant was determined to get me soaked, but at least I have an elephant driver's license to show for it - an elegant certificate which I will frame along with pictures of me waving, sitting, driving and struggling up the elephant.

And no, there were no pictures of me falling.