HOPE can sustain the grieving, but does it also cause more pain?
Almost a year after Malaysia Airlines (MAS) Flight MH370 vanished en route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing, family members of the 239 passengers and crew members are clinging on to a sliver of hope that, with no debris found so far, their loved ones could still be alive.
This possibility has sustained some of them, especially the elderly.
But as the world moves along hurriedly, the lives of many others have shuddered to an abrupt halt, the burden of not knowing what happened to their loved ones haunting - and torturing - them.
The inability to attain closure has left many in a destructive limbo.
Some have had to seek psychiatric help for depression and anxiety, while others have put their lives on hold, impulsively leaving behind jobs and family and moving to squalid living quarters in Beijing to await news.
"If we never find out the truth, this pain will be with us for the rest of our lives," Mr Bian Liangwei, 27, told The Straits Times.
His older brother was one of the 153 Chinese citizens on board the plane that went missing on March 8 last year.
The 38 Malaysians on the flight comprised the second-largest group among the 14 nationalities.
At least four times a month, the Hebei native makes a six-hour journey to a temporary contact centre set up by MAS near the Beijing airport, demanding the "truth" from the airline.
Even today, family members remain highly suspicious of the Malaysian government's handling of the search and have been incensed by what they say is MAS' callous attitude towards them.
For instance, Malaysia's declaration in January that the disappearance of MH370 was an accident and that all aboard the plane are presumed dead sparked fury among family members.
About 30 Chinese family members flew to Kuala Lumpur last month in protest, calling for the declaration to be made void as there is no evidence of the plane having crashed since no debris has been found.
Many are convinced that the plane was hijacked and passengers are possibly marooned on a deserted island with no contact with the outside world.
Their hopes hinge partly on the fact that passengers' cellphones continued ringing days after the flight went missing.
They believe it was a sign that the plane did not crash into the ocean.
Their obsession with the phones even prompted telecommunications firm China Mobile to send staff to a recent briefing to answer family members' technical questions about what might have caused the phenomenon.
According to Mr Jiang Hui, 41, a representative of Chinese family members, it is the frequently conflicting information from Malaysia and the government's inability to be forthcoming that have fuelled conspiracy theories.
Mr Jiang's mother, Madam Jiang Cuiyun, 71, was on the ill-fated flight.
Similarly, Kuala Lumpur-based American teacher Sarah Bajc, 48, whose boyfriend, Mr Philip Wood, was on the flight, has found it difficult to accept the declaration without evidence.
The chances of her partner being alive might be tiny but there has been "absolutely no proof to support the official theory", she said.
She told The Straits Times there are a lot of scenarios where there are survivors "that are impossible to rule out at this point".
"I'm just not going to accept a story that's been told to me without any proof," she said.
Apart from the annoyance with Malaysia, there has also been a rising tide of anger among Chinese next-of-kin against Beijing.
Chinese family members say their government has given them little help and has sided with Malaysia on multiple occasions, even using strong-arm tactics to oppress them.
This has given rise to speculation that Beijing might also be involved in a "political conspiracy".
A Mr Li, who did not want to give his full name and whose daughter was on the flight, said hundreds of policemen were called in when family members tried to march to the Malaysian Embassy in protest in January.
"Some of the policemen hit me with their batons and broke my cellphone," he said. "They have no morals and no sympathy."
Mr Bian said: "Family members have no human rights.
We are subjected to the government's heavy-handedness and control.
They keep pressuring us to accept MAS' compensation."
But while grief has been debilitating for some, others are slowly picking up the pieces, accepting the initial compensation of US$50,000 (S$68,000) that MAS had offered and making plans to soldier on alone.
At the end of last year, relatives of only 35 passengers had accepted the payment despite assurances that the money will not affect future claims.
Some have kept a low profile for fear of being branded as traitors who have given up the search for their loved ones by other emotionally charged relatives.
"It is not that I don't want my parents back but I think it will take years before we find out the truth of what really happened," one such Chinese family member said, declining to be named due to the sensitivities of the matter.
His parents were on the flight.
"I am more rational... There is no use being angry with MAS because it is the first time something like this has happened.
Family members also need to be realistic and discuss the compensation issue before time runs out," the 25-year-old student added.
He was referring to a two-year deadline from the time the plane went missing for family members to file lawsuits against MAS and the Malaysian government for further compensation, according to the Montreal Convention.
Under the 1999 accord, the minimum compensation per passenger is about US$175,000 although families can choose to sue for more.
MAS crisis director Fuad Sharuji has said the compensation would be more than the amount set in the accord, if the next-of-kin can show the victim was "earning a high income, still young and should get more".
Others have also taken constructive steps to rebuild their lives as best as they can.
According to Chinese media reports, Madam Zhang Meiling, 65, whose daughter and son-in-law were on the flight, has started learning English in a bid to communicate with her two grandsons.
The boys, who previously lived in Beijing with their parents, have been cared for by their paternal grandparents in Britain since May last year.
Barely a month after moving there, they stopped speaking in Mandarin, Madam Zhang said in a Vista Magazine article.
"Sometimes I am tongue-tied during our weekly video chats... I have only two concerns now: For my daughter and her husband to come home, and to pick up English as quickly as possible so I can talk to my grandchildren."
Madam Zhang recently forked out almost 15,000 yuan (S$3,300) for 50 intensive one-to-one English lessons - her determination and love for her grandsons making sure that at least one of her hopes might be fulfilled.
'No meaning to New Year if he's not around'
DINGZHOU (Hebei) - No traditional red couplets are pasted on the rusty gates and there are no plans for a fancy meal to usher in the Year of the Goat.
Amid the bustling Spring Festival or Chinese New Year celebrations, the mood at a house in a quiet corner of Majiazhuang village in northern Hebei's Dingzhou city is sombre.
Almost a year after the ill-fated Malaysia Airlines (MAS) Flight MH370 vanished, with her husband on board, Ms Yang Rong, 28, has had to steel herself for further heartbreak as his painful absence is made even more searing in the midst of the festivities in the tiny village of just 2,600 people, "Last year, we were waiting for him to come home before we killed our last chicken but he never made it back," she told The Straits Times.
"It's very painful to celebrate the New Year as there's no meaning to it if he's not around.
We'll just mark it simply. Without any income, we also don't want to spend too much."
Her husband, Mr Wang Yongqiang, 29, was the family's sole breadwinner.
He was a construction worker in Singapore and was heading home on Flight MH370 - with a new gold ring as a gift for Ms Yang - at the end of his year-long contract.
In the year that has passed since the plane went missing last March 8, the lives of Mr Wang's loved ones have been turned upside down.
Ms Yang and her six-year-old daughter Wang Shuhan have moved out of the house they used to share with her father-in-law, Mr Wang Jiancheng.
They now live with her mother in a neighbouring village about 10km away.
Every weekend, however, they visit the elder Mr Wang, 57, sleeping in the couple's old bedroom where framed wedding photos hang on its walls.
Apart from having her mother help to look after her daughter, Ms Yang said the move was made to shield her daughter from news of the tragedy.
"Her schoolmates were talking about the incident and I wanted to transfer her to another kindergarten where people wouldn't talk," she said.
"I haven't decided what to tell her yet. For now, we just say Daddy will come back when she grows up."
Reality hits the hardest when either mother or daughter falls ill.
"When we see other families having husbands or fathers taking them to the clinic, it makes us feel especially terrible," Ms Yang said.
The loss has also been especially tough on the elder Mr Wang, a retiree who has difficulty walking.
"Yongqiang was my only son... No one cares for me and I'm all alone now," he said.
"Other families have happy reunions over Chinese New Year but our family lacks having a son back. It's a very difficult time."
As the weeks drag into months and search efforts yield nothing, the financial burden is also starting to weigh on the family's minds.
They are surviving on savings Mr Wang had sent back previously and on financial help of $20,000 from his former employer, Singapore construction firm Chip Eng Seng.
While Ms Yang is considering getting a job, she faces the dilemma of how this might affect her daughter.
"Already, she doesn't have a father and is so pitiful. I don't want her to lack a mother too," she said.
"But in a couple of years, when she's in primary school, hopefully I can find work then."
The family is unwilling to take the compensation being offered by MAS - as that would mean relinquishing the right to sue the airline.
They also believe the younger Mr Wang might still be alive and that the truth is being hidden from them.
"We haven't had income since last March but we will never take that compensation as it equals selling my husband's life for money," Ms Yang said.
"We want to make sure people are held responsible for this. My daughter and I will always be waiting for him."
Each day 'gets harder' for chief steward's daughter
LIKE many of those who lost their families aboard MH370 a year ago, Ms Maira Elizabeth Nari lived the first few weeks hoping against hope for good news.
She prayed that her father, chief steward Andrew Nari, would return.
Then 18, she showed a maturity beyond her years after Prime Minister Najib Razak announced that the plane's journey had "ended" in the southern Indian Ocean.
In a heartbreaking tweet, she said: "God loves you more, Daddy."
Her attachment to her 49-year-old father was there for all to see on Twitter.
Ms Nari, who lives with her mother and 14-year-old brother outside Kuala Lumpur, had hoped her father would be there for one of the key events of her life - when she went to collect her Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) results 12 days after the jet went missing.
The SPM is equivalent to the O-level school-leaving exam.
She wrote: "He's with me through my heart and faith."
There was widespread praise for her courage and positive attitude in refusing to lash out at the authorities, unlike others who had lost loved ones.
On March 16 last year, even football club Liverpool acknowledged her on Twitter after this post went viral: "Daddy, Liverpool is winning the game! Come home, so you can watch the game! You never miss watching the game. It's your first time."
Liverpool retweeted (shared) her words (as did nearly 9,000 other users), saying "this has touched our hearts".
The team went on to score a 3-0 win over Manchester United.
The following month, three Malaysian Liverpool fans sent her a replica jersey signed by manager Brendan Rodgers and several players.
"My dad is a huge fan of Liverpool. Mum was the happiest though (with the jersey).
I was happy too, but sad that dad did not have the chance to see or touch the shirt," the college student said in an e-mail interview.
Now 19, with a Twitter following of more than 96,000, she is pursuing a degree in broadcasting.
She said the past year had been an "emotional roller coaster", one that "gets harder day by day".
She looks to God to find strength.
She said: "God knows better. Deep down, I still have hope." Even so, she knows the chances are high that "they'll never come back".
Her boyfriend, whom she met at college, is a comfort to her. She described him as having "98 per cent of my dad's attitude... very supportive. And he helps a lot".
Parents move to Beijing for news on missing son
BEIJING - For eight agonising months, Madam Xie Xiucui has lived with her husband by a shallow, rubbish-strewn stream with a giant sand pile for a view on the dusty outskirts of Beijing.
Home is a 15-sq-m shack without running water, a far cry from the cleaner and more comfortable 90-sq-m house the couple used to live in where they could get water at the turn of a tap.
The Jiangsu natives moved to the Chinese capital last July in a desperate bid to be closer to information on the missing Malaysia Airlines (MAS) Flight MH370.
Their 21-year-old son, Mr Feng Dong, was one of the 153 Chinese citizens on board.
He was wrapping up his five-month stint in Singapore as a steel worker at a construction site and was transiting in the Malaysian capital to catch a flight back to China.
Madam Xie, 44, and her husband, Mr Feng Zhishan, 49, had rushed to Beijing when news first broke but were soon persuaded by the authorities to return home as days dragged on to weeks with no sign of the plane being found.
"But after we went home, I couldn't concentrate on anything and cried every day.
I suggested we move back to Beijing so that we can at least have access to the latest information," Madam Xie told The Straits Times.
But coming from a small village in eastern Jiangsu province, their unwavering vigil in Beijing with its high cost of living has been a trying one.
The couple fork out 300 yuan (S$65) a month for a house built with an assortment of bricks, wooden planks and iron sheets in Chaoyang district.
It is located next to a sand bank and cluttered with construction debris.
It was Madam Xie's older brother, who works in the area, who put them in touch with the landlord.
The couple burn coal for heating in Beijing's frigid winter and, with no proper sanitation system, have dug a hole in the ground next to their shack for use as a toilet.
Their home has no official address and they have to trudge through ankle-high dirt and sand, and broken bits of cement daily to get to the nearest main street.
Madam Xie - who used to work for a toy manufacturer - said they have run out of savings.
Her husband's odd-job work at a furniture factory in Beijing gives them a monthly income of about 1,000 yuan that tides them through for now.
Madam Xie had taken on various jobs - from washing dishes to cleaning the streets - but her poor physical health left her with swollen hands and an aching back.
She eventually quit.
"During those times I worked very hard because the harder I worked, the more tired I'd be, and at least then, I wouldn't think about my son," she said.
But to the couple, these hardships are not in vain. They cling to the hope that their son is still alive.
They have a daughter, Feng Dong's twin, who lives in Jiangsu province.
"Even if I have to sleep on the streets, I'm willing to do so," Madam Xie said.
"I'm not going home. If I leave Beijing now, I'd feel as if I'm abandoning him."
Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, at least one of them makes a three-hour journey by bus and train and on foot to a contact centre set up by MAS near the Beijing airport.
There, they demand answers, afraid that if they stop their regular visits, MAS will cease the search.
"We all believe they're taken hostage or they've landed on an island and cannot communicate with us.
How can we believe the plane has crashed when there's no proof of debris?" Madam Xie said.
'All we want is for MAS to find our loved ones and we'll persevere to the end with finding the truth."
'Scariest thing is just never having an answer'
KUALA LUMPUR - Ms Sarah Bajc was about to embark on a new adventure in Kuala Lumpur with the love of her life Philip Wood, 50, when he disappeared on MH370.
At the time, he was on his way to Beijing to help her pack up the last of her belongings, so the 48-year-old former technology executive was left in limbo.
"Everything was rolling in a really nice direction... so when he went missing it was a really difficult decision with what I was going to do," the American teacher told The Straits Times.
Even though her school in Beijing told her she could stay on, and loved ones asked her to return to the United States, she decided "it was important to continue what we had started".
"I expected they would find the plane... so I needed to go forward with (what) I had planned because I wanted to keep a life going with a place ready for him when he came back.
But the longer time has gone by, the harder it is to keep that place open."
Among those who lost loved ones on the ill-fated flight, Ms Bajc has become the most visible and vocal critic of the Malaysian authorities.
When not teaching at a British private school, she has dedicated thousands of hours to seeking an answer.
She started a crowdfund website to raise money to hire a leading international private investigator, and has conducted hundreds of interviews to keep the media spotlight on the authorities she insists are hiding the truth.
"No debris and no radar contact is harder to believe than faked data because governments fake stuff all the time," she said.
But Ms Bajc smells a rat as the private investigators have found nothing.
"If it was really an accident, they would've found things that supported it... a trail of crumbs," she said.
Instead, all leads were "scrubbed clean". Her private eye's regular sources refused to talk to the private investigators.
"All of this points to the fact that what they are telling us isn't true," she said. "I just don't know what is true."
And after a year, Ms Bajc is running out of ideas, although the thought of quitting "hasn't surfaced", she insisted.
"The scariest thing I can think of is just never having an answer.
If I knew that Philip was dead I could mourn for him properly... I wouldn't have to keep holding him alive every single day.
It's exhausting and it's a constant pain."
Plane 'could be found in next three months'
THE man heading the search for missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370, Mr Martin Dolan, says he believes the plane will be found in the next three months.
The operation's four vessels are on track to finish scanning the remaining 60 per cent of the target zone by May.
So far, the underwater search in the southern Indian Ocean has covered 24,000 sq km since October but no trace of the missing Boeing 777 has been found.
Despite delays and equipment failures, the agency overseeing the unprecedented operation, the Australian Transport Safety Bureau, insisted the search would cover the remaining 36,000 sq km by May.
Speaking ahead of the first anniversary of the disappearance of the flight, Mr Dolan, the bureau's chief commissioner, denied claims that Fugro, the Dutch firm hired to conduct much of the search, was not up to the task.
The painstaking search, which costs more than A$120 million (S$127.8 million), was the most complex one for such operations in history, he said.
"Our expectation is that we will find this aircraft," he told The Straits Times.
"We know that this is a long haul.
We are working with an area that was totally unknown on a scale that had never been attempted before.
We have a large search area and we still have a long way to go."
The search has focused on a remote part of the ocean along the so-called seventh arc - a route assessed by experts and based on the plane's satellite communications data and its last-known speeds and locations.
Mr Dolan said the four search ships have spotted nothing resembling debris.
Or, as he put it, "there have been no 'aha' moments".
"We have not got anything that would put us into the 'pay serious attention category' yet... We have found various geological formations that were worthy of a bit of closer interest but nothing more significant than that."
Mr Dolan dismissed claims that the bureau is searching in the wrong place.
The initial underwater search involved two Fugro vessels and a ship provided by Malaysia, Go Phoenix.
The ships use sonar scanning equipment and can search a strip about 1.5km wide.
The authorities ensure the strips overlap so that no section of the ocean floor is missed.
In January, a third Fugro vessel joined the search.
It carried an underwater vehicle, which was able to scan areas that could not be observed by the towed equipment on the other ships.
Analysts have pointed out that one of the biggest risks is a search boat going over the wreckage without detecting it.
In such a scenario, the hunt could continue for years. But Mr Dolan insisted this is unlikely and the equipment would detect the plane, if it is there.
"It is no surprise at this point that we have not found the plane... I remain confident that if the aircraft is within the priority search area, we will find it."
The cost of the search has been jointly funded by Australia and Malaysia. The additional ship provided by Malaysia has cost an estimated A$25 million.
China also assisted with the mapping.
The next big question is what will happen if the plane is not found by May.
Mr Dolan said: "Governments will need to decide what happens next."
Always mindful of the families of the passengers, he said he recognised that his call for patience was "not something that families like to hear".
"We want to assist in solving the puzzle as well as giving answers to the families," he said.
"Finding out what happened is very important not just in solving the mystery, but also potentially in preventing the recurrence of an event like this in the future.
"At this one-year anniversary, we have a clear message to the families: We remain totally committed to finding the aircraft."
Underwater search
Number of people missing: 239
Size of area searched so far: 24,000 sq km
Size of search area still to be covered: 36,000 sq km
Number of ships still searching: Four
Cost of underwater search: More than A$120 million
esthert@sph.com.sg
shannont@sph.com.sg
jonathanmpearlman@gmail.com
Reports compiled by Esther Teo, Shannon Teoh and Jonathan Pearlman
This article was first published on Mar 1, 2015.
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