SINGAPORE - SingTel has got nothing on me. I caused the greatest fire hazard in history and nearly killed my father.
At a community fireworks display back in the 1980s, I threw what I believed to be a used, dead firework into a huge bonfire - only to discover quickly that it was an unused, very much alive, firework.
My father's backside made that discovery even faster. The firework shot out of the flames like, well, a firework, and raced for my father's groin.
He barely managed to turn around, which was fortunate for my brothers as they remained unborn at the time.
Had he not turned quickly enough, they would've remained no more than a glint in his eye.
But the offending flying object left him with a scorched black ring around his jeans, as it were, suggesting he had spent the evening sitting on a spike dipped in black paint.
I feared for my safety as he prepared to chase me around the bonfire. But the firework left him waddling from side to side in agonising pain, not unlike R2-D2. So there's always a silver lining.
He drank his body weight in beer and forgot all about the firework, until he woke the following morning and noticed he now had a scorched hole in the backside of his jeans.