When a compliment turns into sexual harassment

When a compliment turns into sexual harassment
PHOTO: When a compliment turns into sexual harassment

If the most powerful man in the world said you were beautiful, would you mind? 

Apparently yes, if you work with him on a professional basis - as United States President Barack Obama found out to his chagrin earlier this month.

He had introduced California Attorney-General Kamala Harris at a fund-raiser as "the best-looking attorney-general in the country".

To the President, and probably to most casual bystanders, it was an inconsequential compliment, especially coming after a string of other work-related praise.

But the comment offended Ms Harris' office and set off a firestorm of debate in the US - granted it was a slow news day - over whether Mr Obama's words were sexist and inappropriate.

Some observers argued that in a normal work setting, Mr Obama's remarks might even be considered sexual harassment.

Mr Obama has since apologised to Ms Harris and said the incident was

a "teaching moment" for him, a father of two daughters.

Storm in a teacup aside, it also serves as a timely reminder for the rest of us: that words or actions meant to innocently flatter can sometimes be misinterpreted.

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Some instances of sexual harassment are clear-cut. But there may be other times we have been involved in sexual harassment without even knowing it.

For instance: Complimenting your colleague or boss on their looks or dressing may not seem particularly harmful. Casually asking a colleague out for dinner or drinks, over and over again despite continuous rejections, could even turn into a joke of sorts.

But both those actions may qualify as sexual harassment, according to the International Labour Organisation's (ILO) definition.

Other grounds for harassment claims: Telling dirty jokes in front of a colleague who is uncomfortable hearing them; putting an arm around a co-worker; asking about a colleague's sexual experiences; or displaying photos of scantily clad women in the office.

In fact, the ILO describes sexual harassment at work as any verbal or physical act with a sexual nature, performed by someone you work with, that is unwelcome and causes the recipient to feel "violated, insulted and... in an unbearable hostile environment".

The problem is that it is difficult to tell exactly what falls on the right end of friendliness and camaraderie, and what might be offensive to someone else.

I remember my own experience as an intern at a local company many years ago. One of my older male colleagues used to send me messages that started out innocuously enough, but quickly turned uncomfortable for me.

"Hey beautiful!" he would say in greeting. Trying to make a good first impression, I would smile and ignore the sobriquet.

But that only seemed to encourage him, because before long he was sending messages like "You look really good in those tight pants today" and "We should get a drink after work sometime".

I wasn't sure if those remarks were kosher, but I didn't want to make a fuss about being repulsed.

But one day, I told some friends about the messages and they said, in no uncertain terms, that my colleague had crossed a line.

My friends' outrage, and my own relief at hearing that my discomfort wasn't an overreaction, made me realise how stressed I had been about the episode.

Fortunately for me, my fairly short internship ended soon after that and I never had to deal with that colleague again.

But for women (or men, let's be fair here) facing similar situations at work, there are steps you can take to address the problem.

First, speak to a trusted friend or relative about the issue, or obtain advice from organisations such as women's group Aware.

Often, if a colleague is being unwittingly offensive, a serious conversation about the matter can help clear the air and establish some boundaries.

If the behaviour persists, however, make use of your company's protocol to report the incidents.

This usually involves speaking to your supervisor, department director or human resources.

On the flip side, there are also sensible precautions that men (or women) can take to avoid being accused of sexual harassment.

For example, "never offer to drive a colleague (of the opposite gender) home after a business engagement, especially if it ends late into the night", says HR specialist Paul Heng of NeXT Corporate Coaching Services.

Also, when speaking to a colleague of the opposite sex, put some physical distance between you - such as the width of a table, he adds. These two guidelines will help minimise any chances of perceived invasion of privacy.

Compliments should be given based on work performance, rather than looks. And if you are in any doubt about your behaviour, there are two tests you can apply.

One is the spouse test: What would your significant other think if they saw a video of your actions? The other is the double-standard test: Would you say or do the same things if the recipient was not of the opposite sex?

While there are no official statistics on sexual harassment in Singapore, an oft-cited Aware study in 2008 found that more than half the 500 women it surveyed had experienced some form of sexual harassment in their workplace.

Eight out of 10 of the victims were female, but men were affected too, Aware said.

Indeed, Mr Obama's supporters noted that he routinely called male staffers and colleagues "good looking" as well. None of them ever complained, though - at least, not officially.

fiochan@sph.com.sg


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