Crosstalk comedian Zhao Jin says his mind went blank trying to discuss late partner Hua Liang

The past can be painful to talk or think about, former crosstalk comedian Chen Zhaojin admitted.

The 72-year-old, who is fondly remembered by his stage name Zhao Jin, will be reminiscing about his late crosstalk partner Hua Liang in an upcoming episode of Tuesday Report: Unfading Stars.

Zhao Jin told Lianhe Zaobao in a recent interview that during the filming of the episode, he felt uncomfortable due to anxiety. His mind even went blank when sharing about Hua Liang, and the crew had to reassure him to take it slow.

While some people with anxiety might find it embarrassing to share about their condition, Zhao Jin chooses to be forthcoming about it so as to spread awareness of the condition.

He revealed that a year after Hua Liang's death in 1995, his anxiety got so bad that he perpetually could not sleep or eat properly.

After seeing a psychologist and taking medication, he managed to get his condition under control.

He believed the seeds of his anxiety had been sown since his childhood when he came from Indonesia to Singapore all alone.

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"But lately I have to take my medication again as my condition relapsed after more than 20 years. Thankfully it's not serious. I am living a good life, so I don't know why it's acting up again," he shared to Zaobao.

Back in the 1980s, Zhao Jin and Hua Liang performed comedies and crosstalks about daily topics, and gradually became iconic household names.

However, in the beginning of 1990, the duo gradually faded from local television. In November 1995, Hua Liang died in a traffic accident. Zhao Jin said he would never find another crosstalk partner like him.

Zhao Jin told Zaobao that he and Hua Liang were both meek and gentle. Even when there were conflicts, eventually they could understand and accommodate each other.

"We were even similar with regards to money matters — we were not calculative. Hua Liang often forgot to cash in his cheques, so I had to remind him," Zhao Jin recalled.

Performing became a pain

On YouTube, videos of their comedy crosstalk still exist. However, Zhao Jin refuses to watch them as it exacerbates his anxiety.

"Behind a successful skit, there are endless rehearsals… I don't want to watch old performances, they're all in the past," he shared.

When asked if he misses his glorious past, Zhao Jin told the Chinese daily resolutely: "I prefer my life now, as I did not like the feeling of being encumbered. At first, there was a sense of pride when I performed everywhere, but later I felt that it was torture.

"I had to meet people I did not want to meet and perform when I did not want to. All these were not of my will, so I decided to stop."

Besides being a performer, Zhao Jin is also now involved in Chinese education. Through stories and comics, he teaches primary and secondary students intonations, proper pronunciation and performing lines satisfactorily.

Even though he still occasionally sings and hosts, he finds more delight in teaching.

He shared: "After every lesson, I hear the children's cheers and feel that I have contributed to society, especially in the area of Chinese education."

The episode on Hua Liang and Zhao Jin will be made available on meWATCH on March 7.

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jolynn.chia@asiaone.com