It is difficult to describe in mere words the experience of first strapping an Apple Watch onto your wrist, but I'm going to try anyway. It's nice.
Okay, I'm lying. It's better than nice. It's awesome. In fact, I had a rush of conflicting emotions when I had my first real-world encounter with the hallowed fruity timepiece at an Apple Store last week.
As I stood there, I asked myself: What was this that I was feeling deep within the bowels of my heart?
Was it love or was it that three- day-old fried rice I had for lunch? Was it lust or was it more a sense of yearning - a yearning for someone I know to see me with the watch on my wrist so he or she could lust too, but lust from afar in a fit of jealousy?
I didn't know. I was confused. All I knew was that I had to have one and I had to have one immediately.
"We don't sell the watch here. You have to buy it online," said the Apple Store guy helping me. "In the store, we let customers come in and experience the watch."
I heard that word a lot over the hour or so I spent fondling the Apple Watch - "experience".
Very rarely was I allowed to "try" or even "use" the watch.
I had to "experience" its luxury, "experience" its haptic feedback and "experience" its cute animated Mickey Mouse watch face, so much so that by the time I had to hand over the watch, I found myself using the same lingo.
Me: "That was quite an experience."
Salesman: "You should also make an appointment to experience the Apple Watch Edition watch, even if you don't intend to buy one. It's a very different experience."
Me: "Is the experience very different?"
Salesman: "Yes, definitely. The Apple Watch Edition is much heavier." (I swear I am not making this up.)
For the uninitiated, let me explain that there are 22 versions of the Apple Watch.
These are divided into three main confusingly named editions - the Apple Watch Sport (aka the cheapest version), the Apple Watch (aka the type most people will buy) and the Apple Watch Edition (aka the douchebag version).
In each edition, there are two sizes and a multitude of different types of straps and colours.
I guess this is one reason they don't let you buy the watch in a store. They wanted to cut out the confusion.