Humour: It's going to be a long presidential election

Why am I feeling so hot?

Is it because of the weather?

Or is it election fever?

With Mr David Ong resigning as Bukit Batok MP yesterday, a by-election will be called.

On Friday, former presidential candidate Tan Cheng Bock announced his intention to run again even though the presidential election is not due until August next year.

More than a year out and we're already talking the presidential election. What is this? America?

Well, if it is, we would be discussing the size of Mr Donald Trump's penis, you know, since he brought it up during a live televised debate.

Though, to be fair, the US presidential candidate was too classy to actually use the word "penis", but everyone knew what he was referring to.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective), this isn't America - it's Singapore and we have Mr Tan.

Can we call his announcement a premature, uh... declaration?

Some have suggested that the timing may have something to do with the ongoing review of the Elected Presidency system by a Constitutional Commission appointed last month.

Nothing like this has happened before.

Of course, in the US, it's common for presidential campaigns to start as early as two years before the election.

Republican Ted Cruz officially announced his candidacy in March last year, 20 months before election day on Nov 8.

One reason for the long US presidential campaign is that it's a two-parter.

Part one is the primaries, where the two major US political parties -the Republicans and Democrats - decide who will be the presidential nominee to represent the party.

Part two is where the Republican nominee and the Democratic nominee go head-to-head for the presidency.

To put it in the Singapore context, imagine a parallel universe where Singapore follows the US system and the two major parties are the People's Action Party (PAP) and the Workers' Party (WP).

Part one could be Ms Sylvia Lim versus Mr Low Thia Khiang for the WP nomination, and Mr Khaw Boon Wan versus Mr Tharman Shanmugaratnam for the PAP nomination.

Let's say part one ends with WP members picking Ms Lim as their nominee and PAP members picking Mr Tharman as their nominee.

GREAT WALL

Part two is where WP and PAP finally duke it out, and you and I vote for either Ms Lim or Mr Tharman to be our next president.

And this is why the US presidential campaign takes so long.

At this point, Mrs Hillary Clinton is ahead in the Democratic race while Mr Trump is the improbable frontrunner for the Republicans.

Improbable not just because of the penis reference.

He has never held elected office before. He has been accused of racism and xenophobia for calling Mexicans drug-dealers and rapists.

He has said he will build a "great, great wall on our southern border" to keep them out of America and make Mexico pay for it.

The billionaire is so disliked by many that one poll says 19 per cent of Americans would consider moving to Canada if he becomes president.

But Canada isn't the only option.

In an article called "The complete guide to fleeing President Donald Trump's America", the New York Daily News offered a few alternatives. Its first recommendation: Singapore.

Calling Singapore the "most well-rounded country", the US newspaper said: "The island nation boasts the top quality of life for expats, according to a 2015 survey of expats by InterNations.

"The Asian country earned the title for its slew of high-paying jobs, welcoming atmosphere, stellar health care facilities and top-notch public transit."

Wow, the article makes Singapore sounds so good I want to move here myself.

So will we have to brace ourselves for an influx of American refugees if Mr Trump turns the White House to Trump House?

Wait, wait.

The article was written before Singapore was ranked the world's most expensive city for expats for the third consecutive year in a survey by the Economist Intelligence Unit.

That's how you discourage foreigners from coming into your country, Mr Trump.

Who needs a wall?

Pearls Before Swine Stephan Pastis

Explaining the US electoral process - S'pore-style

This article was first published on March 13, 2016.
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