7 qualities that make you good husband material

Every relationship needs the effort to keep it afloat, be it with your parents or with your spouse. Most marriages start off well because you are still discovering things about each other. There's a genuine curiosity to know more about your life partner and you adapt to live around each other.

But as time progresses, even the most caring couples may find themselves feeling distant.

Call it fatigue setting in or just responsibilities of kids and work taking precedence, there will be times when you'd feel like you've barely spoken to your significant other in days. It's important then that you take a step back and assess where your relationship stands.

You are probably doing the best you can to make things work and keep the love alive. But does your partner think the same way? Much like the office annual appraisal, your relationship needs an annual assessment too. Maybe skip the rating system and move on to the one-on-one review then? 

After all, a relationship is a two-person job and you need to understand what your partner feels about things — both the happy and sad bits of it. So, do you know if have the qualities of a good husband material?

Ask your spouse these seven questions to find out.

1. Am I motivated enough in this relationship?

Your actions can tell all about your intentions even if you don't show them. And who better to pick up on these than your partner. If you aren't motivated enough, your spouse will know about it.

So, start by asking this question to know if you are indeed contributing to the relationship.

You can expect a "yes" based on your ability to meet financial needs as well as taking care of the kids. You should also be ready to hear feedback in terms of how you can improve.

For the better part, the answer to this question will largely be a positive one, and that's a nice validation to get. So unless you guys genuinely have other marital problems that need to be sorted out first, begin this conversation with motivation. 

2. Does my behaviour convey your importance in my life?

Like we said, your actions mean a lot and even if the relationship has aged, it does not mean you stop caring. But in the monotony of life, it can get hard to keep track of what you are doing right or wrong.

Begin correcting this by asking your partner if your actions and behaviour reflect that you care about them.

It's not just about your introspection but also about communicating that feeling to your partner. The fact that you care enough to ask this wins you brownie points. 

3. How do you think I handled challenges in the past?

Not everyone is the perfect partner or parent. You learn on the job with every challenge thrown at you. In a marriage that has seen its fair share of ups and downs, now is the time to ask if you've managed to handle them successfully or not. 

We do believe you already know the answer to this question. However, asking your partner will give you a more realistic and less sugar-coated answer than you originally thought of.

The big question though is whether you are ready to handle the truth and cope up with what your spouse has to say. 

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4. How have I changed as a person in this relationship?

Change is the only constant and you must be flexible with time to really make the most in life. However, it's also necessary to acknowledge the big and small changes that make you the person you are today.

Marriage may mean that you are less sloppy now and have better time management skills than before, but it could also mean you've given up on doing things you liked earlier. 

A supportive relationship will see these things being unearthed when the communication is clear.

For instance, if your spouse used to sing often and write poems, a talent that has been overshadowed with time, questions like these are a reminder to discover the lost part of ourselves. It should also be the wake up call to get some new habits ignited.

5. Do you think I'm respectful during our arguments?

All marriages have disagreements but don't end up saying things that you will regret later. That's not one of the qualities of a good husband material. Some spouses though may not realise this and it just adds to the resentment folks have against each other.

It's important that you look back and think about your behaviour and how it reflects upon you as a person.

Any relationship cannot survive without respect and that's why it's important that you ask this question and work on becoming a better person.

It's also a question of whether two people can survive together while having a difference of opinion. If you can't love your spouse and their viewpoint, maybe your expectations from a partner need to be reassessed. 

6. Am I sharing enough responsibilities?

If the pandemic has made one thing clear, it's the fact that responsibilities at home are no less daunting than the ones in the office. More often, only one spouse is responsible for handling most of these at home, which may often go unnoticed.

From your child's homework, meals, laundry, groceries, and more, there's enough and more to do every day. 

That's really where the partnership in marriage matters. When you divide responsibilities equally with the house and kids, you do not burden either person. This, however, remains a constant process that often requires tweaking depending on the prevailing situation.

The solution then is to make sure you are making a strong enough contribution that is acceptable to your partner. How do you know this? Well, ask the question. 

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7. Do I accommodate your needs in my schedule?

It's easier to build a timetable around your needs. Breakfast at 8am, lunch at 2pm, family time at 9pm — it's not bad to have a schedule in place but have you considered if this works for your spouse as well? Do you consider if they would like to shuffle things up a bit? 

This is particularly true when both partners are working professionals and do not find time for each other throughout the day.

A lot of you may even agree that you can go weeks without even sharing five minutes on the couch together. To truly show the qualities of a good husband material, ask your partner how can you include them in your schedule more actively. Take the time out and spend it with your them. 

This article was first published in theAsianparent.