How to tell if you have toxic friends - the Singapore way

If you identify with at least three of the scenarios here, it's time to tell that BFF of yours: "I don't want to friend you anymore".

1. They diss that new condo you just saved up for

"The fengshui in your bedroom is going to be very bad for your marriage"

"Wah, your bathroom is even smaller than my HDB flat one!"

"This condo land used to be a cemetery, leh. Sure haunted!"

2. And also that new car you just bought

"You paid so much for your COE? Mine was only $XX,XXX!"

"This model is involved in a lot of accidents!"

"You seriously cannot drive a bigger car than your boss. You'd better take the MRT to work."

3. They criticise you all the time… "for your own good"

"You should really change your job. I mean, you've been earning $3,500 since you were 25."

"I think this hairstyle makes your face look like a big chicken pau."

"You are way too kind. No wonder your business isn't taking off."

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4. They are very needy

"I know it's already 11.59pm but can I come over now to complain about my mother-in-law?"

"How come you didn't ask me if I also need a hamburger-shaped cushion from Taobao?"

"I saw that you read my Whatsapp message. Why you never reply (to my mass-forwarded meme)?"

5. Or they take you for granted

"I'm going to be an hour late for dinner. Can you take photos of the menu - all 111 pages of it - and Whatsapp them to me so you can order for me first?"

"Sorry to cancel on you again (read: for the tenth time in two months) at the last minute. My boyfriend wants to watch a movie today."

"Can you pay for me first? I know I still owe you for drinks since 2002."

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6. They like to compare and compete

"Congrats on your wife being promoted to general manager at the age of only 35! My wife was very happy too when she became a managing director at 30!"

"I loveeee your simple sponge cake! I just baked 58 chicken pies, 105 macarons, 237 eclairs… and I'm going to finish piping 324 buttercream cakes by tonight!"

"My boy always scores full marks for his Math papers and we don't send him for tuition. What did your Nathan get for his test?"

7. And in the end, there's a lot of drama

"I've always treated you like my sister but I feel so betrayed that you didn't share with me that your neighbour bought a new plant."

"You are so lucky to have such a smart, caring and beautiful girlfriend, not like me. Nobody likes me."

"How come you can't go holidaying with me on my birthday? You can get your in-laws to look after your four children what."

This article was first published in Wonderwall.