Dear Thelma: Is he worth fighting for?

Dear Thelma: Is he worth fighting for?

Dear Thelma

I can't sleep because L, who I've been with, just told me that he wants to break up. He is 40 years old and I'm 29. I got to know him three years ago when I broke up with my ex. I didn't fall for him instantly. We were just friends and he was there for me.

Being with him makes me feel special and wanted. No other guy makes me feel this way. But he's pretty messed up. He's still staying with his No. 2 ex, because the house is under both their names and she's not moving out. As such, I can only go over when she's not around. I'm really upset about this as I feel like I'm the third party. He said he's trying to fix the situation, but there doesn't seem to be much progress and he's not telling.

His work requires him to sometimes work late. So, we see each other two to three times a week. He's told me that he likes me but he's not the marrying kind. I knew this when I fell for him.

Despite this and the house issue, I'm waiting for the housemate to move out so that I can be with him more. He's not doing all that well financially, either. Last Christmas, I mentioned that it would make me very happy if he could get me a necklace because l would feel like he's by my side when I'm wearing it. It took him a few months, but he still got me one anyway.

Then, last week, he accompanied me to a fair. I thought things were getting better and that he might change his mind about marriage, because I can see that he's willing to do all these things for me.

Once, when I was pestering him about something, he said that I'm nosy and mentioned that he didn't know why he's still with me. I thought, does it mean that he really likes me? Just like how I like him despite all the mess.

Now he wants to break up because he "screwed up big time". He said he just found out that his No. 1 ex was pregnant when he left, but she had an abortion. Seems she became depressed after the abortion and she's blaming him.

He said he was responsible for her depression and felt bad for hurting me, but didn't have a choice as he felt more responsible towards her.

My point is, why didn't she say something back then if she wanted him to be responsible? It's not fair to me that he has to give up on us because of something that happened in the past. Also, the ex knew what she was doing and chose to abort without telling him. Why is this coming up only now? How can he decide on this by himself? He said it is not my business but that's not true. Why didn't he discuss this with me first?

Despite all that, I still told him that I'm willing to go through this with him. But he's giving up already. There are always other solutions, right? He's not a bad person and despite it all, my heart still wants to hang on to him. I have so many plans for us. Without him, I've nothing to look forward to. I'm confused, lost, scared and feeling stupid.

Lost Girl

More about

Purchase this article for republication.



Your daily good stuff - AsiaOne stories delivered straight to your inbox
By signing up, you agree to our Privacy policy and Terms and Conditions.