The uncensored guide to pregnancy sex

We just found out we're expecting a baby. Can we still make love in the first few months?

It's safe to have intercourse during the first trimester if you're having a low-risk pregnancy, says Dr Seng. But if you experience vaginal bleeding, which is not uncommon during the first trimester, you should wait and resume sexual activities only after your 12th week. Discuss this with your doctor if you're concerned.

How about during the rest of the pregnancy?

Don't worry, sexual activities won't affect your foetus, Dr Seng assures. Your developing baby is protected by the amniotic fluid in your uterus, as well as the strong muscles of the uterus itself.

You can have intercourse, as long as the pregnancy is progressing normally, and there are no complications such as unexplained vaginal bleeding, preterm labour, preterm leaking of amniotic fluid and a low-lying placenta.

I've heard that having sex in the last trimester can speed up labour. True?

That's just a myth. Many women have intercourse until the last weeks of pregnancy, but sex won't induce labour, says Dr Seng.

My tummy is huge! What are the best lovemaking positions for us?

As your pregnancy progresses, explore and experiment to find out what works. There's no one best position.

Let your creativity take over, as long as you keep mutual pleasure and comfort in mind, says Dr Seng. Need inspiration? Dr Lee suggests five positions.

- Missionary

Yes, the man-on-top position can still work. Position pillows to take the weight off your tummy.

- Standing

Hubby stands on the floor, while your legs dangle over the edge of the bed.

- Doggie style

You can crouch on all fours while he penetrates from behind. Cushion your tummy or knees with pillows for extra comfort.

- Spooning

Lie next to him sideways on the same side. This way, you won't stress your joints.

- Cowgirl

Sit on top on him. You'll have full control over how deep he goes.

Can we still use lubricants and toys such as vibrators?

Yes, it's safe to use lubricants to keep you moist. Vibrators are okay, too, as long as they're gentle, says Dr Seng.

Get some pillows as well, adds Dr Lee. They can help you balance better, and relieve stress on knees, elbows and joints.

Is it safe to perform oral sex?

That's fine. Although some women are worried about swallowing semen, it has no impact on the pregnancy.

What your hubby mustn't do, though, is to blow into the vagina, reminds Dr Seng. This can be dangerous or even fatal because there's increased blood flow to the area during pregnancy. Blowing into the vagina may introduce air into the bloodstream and block a vein or artery.

Why do I feel so fat and tired?

Some women are frustrated that their bodies are no longer the same, shares Dr Lee. Rather than deny your emotions, acknowledge that this is part of being pregnant.

This is your body's way of asking for more rest. Or perhaps, deep down, you want your loved ones to reassure you of their love and support.

Ugh, sex is the last thing on my mind. How else can I stay intimate with hubby?

Many people are stuck in believing there's a proper way to be intimate, says Dr Lee.

One-way sex - for instance oral sex or a hand job - is still sex.

Intimacy can also mean gazing into each other's eyes, holding hands across the table and cuddling in bed.

Discuss your needs, wants and desires with each other.

How can I feel sexy again?

Give yourself a break. Instead, ask yourself where the need comes from, says Dr Lee.

Is it from social pressure or media influences, where women are expected to be perfect at all times?

But if feeling sexy is important to you, there are easy ways: You can put on light makeup, wear form-fitting maternity clothes and do some light exercise with your doctor's okay.

And what can hubby do?

What he can and should do has a lot to do with how you're feeling.

It can be counter-productive and frustrating if he were to do a whole bunch of things for the sake of being seen as helpful, when it's not what you need at all.

Dr Lee suggests that he listens to how you're feeling, share what he thinks and feels in turn, and comes up with ideas what the both of you can do during those nine months.

Our experts

- Dr Seng Shay Way is a specialist in Obstetrics and Gynaecology, and a consultant at Raffles Fertility Centre and Raffles Women's Centre.

- Dr Martha Lee is the founder and clinical sexologist of Eros Coaching. She recently launched her first book, Love, Sex And Everything In-between.

Young Parents, Singapore's No. 1 parenting magazine published by SPH Magazines is available at all newsstands now.   Go to https://www.youngparents.com.sg/ for more stories.