SINGAPORE - Fandi Ahmad already knows that I find the man deeply irritating.
He's far too kind and humble.
Mention Fandi to any taxi driver and he'll say, "Fandi… so humble," like it's his last name.
It's not enough that Singapore's favourite footballing son is Mr Humble, he also happens to be remarkably handsome.
I know I'd feel a little better if he looked like the back of a bus.
But he doesn't. He's prettier than most of my previous girlfriends.
So he's good looking, kind and humble. Oh, and he could also kick a ball around a bit and score the odd goal.
So much so that he is the first Singaporean footballer to have his own waxwork figure at Madame Tussauds.
I've never really known a footballer who was a waxwork figure. But I have known footballers who've played like waxwork figures.
As a child, I had a season ticket at Upton Park. Back then, West Ham were a Waxwork 11.
But Fandi has the lot; prodigious talent, humility, good looks and a waxwork figure with more pace and movement than Manchester United's back four.
And then, as if the man didn't already have enough, his eldest son Irfan is named as one of The Guardian's 40 best young talents in world football.
It must be every father's dream to have a son named as one of the 40 best young talents in world football.
My dad had similar hopes for me. But I didn't even make the 40 best young football talents in my class (and half of them were girls).
Occasionally, a parent can pass down his finest sporting attributes. My father had a fine left foot and played the odd blinder for Leyton Orient's youth team.