Meet football morons with flare

Meet football morons with flare
Referee Phil Dowd checks the back of assistant referee David Bryan after he was hit by a smoke canister during the match between Aston Villa and Tottenham Hotspur at Villa Park.

No self-respecting football fan has taken flares to a football match since my Dad wore bell-bottoms in the 1970s.

With his sideburns and flared trousers, he thought he looked like Rod Stewart. He looked more like Martha Stewart.

But that was the last time a supporter brought flares into an English stadium until last weekend.

After Tottenham scored their opener at Villa Park, a fan lobbed a smoking, blue flare into the back of a linesman.

The Aston Villa crowd were stunned. It had been a while since they'd seen such striking accuracy. Two men were subsequently arrested and I have just received a transcript between West Midlands police and the alleged perpetrators. Names have been changed to protect the idiots...

West Midlands Policeman: Why did you throw a flare at the linesman, Mr Sotong?

Sotong: It wasn't a flare. Well, I didn't think it was a flare. It was going to be my dinner. I thought I had picked up a tin of baked beans.

Policeman: So you threw a tin of baked beans at the linesman?

Sotong: Yeah all right, it was a flare filled with blue smoke.

Policeman: Why did you throw a flare with blue smoke?

Sotong: It's hard to get a flare with blue and white smoke.

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