No self-respecting football fan has taken flares to a football match since my Dad wore bell-bottoms in the 1970s.
With his sideburns and flared trousers, he thought he looked like Rod Stewart. He looked more like Martha Stewart.
But that was the last time a supporter brought flares into an English stadium until last weekend.
After Tottenham scored their opener at Villa Park, a fan lobbed a smoking, blue flare into the back of a linesman.
The Aston Villa crowd were stunned. It had been a while since they'd seen such striking accuracy. Two men were subsequently arrested and I have just received a transcript between West Midlands police and the alleged perpetrators. Names have been changed to protect the idiots...
West Midlands Policeman: Why did you throw a flare at the linesman, Mr Sotong?
Sotong: It wasn't a flare. Well, I didn't think it was a flare. It was going to be my dinner. I thought I had picked up a tin of baked beans.
Policeman: So you threw a tin of baked beans at the linesman?
Sotong: Yeah all right, it was a flare filled with blue smoke.
Policeman: Why did you throw a flare with blue smoke?
Sotong: It's hard to get a flare with blue and white smoke.