Why Chelsea's billiionaire boss came to our shores

Chelsea's billionaire owner Roman Abramovich was spotted at Gardens by the Bay over the weekend.

Singapore has been left stunned. No one goes to Gardens by the Bay during weekends.

Presumably, the Russian got lost looking for the casino.

He must have been at a loose end for a few hours, had some pocket change and decided to buy Marina Bay Sands to pass the time.

But Abramovich really was in Singapore over the weekend. His trip was confirmed by a spokesman after the most surreal image surfaced online since Jean Claude van Damme did the splits between two super trucks. (In his heyday, he used to do the splits between two supermodels.)

The first photo of Abramovich was a snap taken by some Malay pals who chanced upon the Russian at the Gardens by the Bay's Cloud Forest.

The Russian thought the ticket prices were a bit of a rip-off, too.

Standing behind him in the queue, eyewitnesses allegedly overheard him telling his entourage: "It's $28 a ticket? Are you kidding me? Oh, it also includes entry to the Flower Dome? For $28, it should include Lionel Messi. I haven't been overcharged this much since I bought Andriy Shevchenko."

Such a scenario is not as preposterous as it seems. Billionaires rarely carry actual cash around with them. They're a bit like West Ham in the transfer market.

But Abramovich, to his eternal credit, wanted to avoid becoming a cardboard cut-out of a tourist cliche, so he got down with the locals and kept it real.

He popped up at the Tiong Bahru market disguised as an ah pek.

He had the stubble, the shorts and the white T-shirt with the beginnings of a couple of sweat patches. All that was missing was a long pinkie nail.

I know this because the photo has been circulated on Twitter - a photo that is up there with the JFK assassination and the Moon Landing in terms of its shock value.

A young Singaporean is posing with Abramovich in the photo, I assume after he had asked the Chelsea owner for three plates of chicken rice with extra chilli.

My admiration for the Russian has undoubtedly increased after his secretive hawker centre exploits.

Having built his fortune from ruthlessly exploiting the rapid privatisation of state industries after the collapse of the old Soviet Union before turning Stamford Bridge into his own private game of Subbuteo, there wasn't much admiration for the guy in the first place.

But he deserves credit for taking photos with Singaporeans in a hawker centre while dressed like a distant ang moh uncle of Phua Chu Kang.

According to the guys who took his photo, Abramovich was polite and humble before returning to his chicken rice stall.

That must be the trouble with being Abramovich. His obsequious entourage always take his comments literally. Apparently, he made a casual remark about the exceptional quality of the chicken rice and the stall owner immediately disappeared.

She was last seen clutching her recipes and being bundled onto a private plane at Changi Airport.

She said she needed something sharp to slice the chickens, something like a "chopper". Abramovich's people said they'd give her Chelsea legend Ron Harris (that's one for the older readers).

SPECULATION

Inevitably, there has been much speculation concerning the reasons for the billionaire's low-key trip to the sunny island.

It seems he has no plans to do an Eduardo Saverin and dump his billions in our low-tax haven. He considered the idea briefly - and then he went through his first ERP gantry.

He's rich, but he's not that rich.

He might have taken a tour of the soon-to-be-completed Sports Hub. The grand stadium could be booked in the future for a private kickaround with his kids.

More optimistically, perhaps, there is a rumour he might be interested in the S-League, whether that means buying a player, a coach, a club or the league itself is uncertain, but the timing is perfect.

He watched Chelsea knock over West Ham at the weekend. The Hammers' only function at the moment is to make other teams look good.

Even S-League teams play with a striker.

But it seems the real purpose of his visit was lost in translation.

He had heard that the world looked to Singapore when it came to football. The country was considered to be No. 1 in all aspects of the game so he was eager to learn from our expertise.

It was only when Abramovich arrived that he discovered Singapore is not No. 1 in football, but No. 1 in football match-fixing. Apparently, his Chelsea staff spent a fruitless weekend trying to sign a local striker called Kelong.

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