By Jill Alphonso

AFTER writing last week's column on how there are few hot young guys to look at in Singapore, I received a slew of comments from protesting male readers.

They insisted that there were local guys worthy of a second glance.

Significantly, some readers begged to differ with my opinion that the average Singaporean female is at least pretty and that guys here have a wide crop of girls to pick from to date.

They contended that while the female on the street is all right to look at, guys struggle  with finding Miss Right. Their complaints? Read on.

"Singaporean girls for some reason have developed the Paris Hilton attitude even when they are built like Hotel 81," said one reader.

They aren't adventurous or independent either, complained another.

They're just content to work and live for their weekends where they engage in "typical Singaporean activities: Shopping, eating, going to movies and clubbing", he wrote.

Clearly, the debate over the merits of the Singapore man versus the Singapore woman is not going to die down. In a Stomp poll conducted back in February asking whether Singaporean women expect too much, a staggering 52.4 per cent of men who answered said that "I find them hypocritical as they want equality but expect preferential treatment".

At a very civil tea last weekend, I also asked my female friends who they thought the  typical Singaporean guy is and why they wouldn't date him.

Scones and tea cups went flying as I was barraged by a torrent of replies that ranged from "He's nice but not man enough - he lets girls walk all over him" to "He's not well-travelled enough to be truly worldly".

One relenting friend of mine said: "Singaporean guys do have it tough. Girls just want more than what they have to offer."

The crux of the issue? Singaporean guys are not looking for the "typical Singaporean girl" - just as the Singaporean girl is not looking for the "typical Singaporean guy".

But that would be true of almost any culture anywhere in the world ' everyone seems to be looking for that one person who is somehow atypical to some standard or another.

To the complaining parties, I say, go further afield if Singaporeans aren't who you think you want to date. The debate could rage on, but it probably wouldn't make you very happy to just keep arguing about it.

Get off your butts and go find someone who does make you happy. Let's face it, they're out there. But they won't be turned on by complaints of the other sex.

I haven't dated a Singaporean guy myself and so you might argue that I'm not the best person to be writing this.

But I do have Singaporean guys as very good friends. I find them to be excellent people who are loving, kind, goofy, and ultimately, caring. Great boyfriend material, one might say.

Put it down to chemistry, to fate, to timing, or to any variable you'd like, but I've just never dated a Singaporean.

But who ever said that one needs to stick to one's own countrymen when it comes to potential life partners? In my opinion, that just narrows down the dating field. I didn't pick my partner - a British-American - because of his nationality. I picked him because of what he offered me - a loving, inspiring relationship with a man who takes care of my heart and soul.

That, at the end of the day, matters more to me than where someone was born.

jilla@sph.com.sg

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