By Karen Wong

WHAT does it take to beget more Singapore babies?

The situation here is so dire that even the Prime Minister gave tips on how singles should 'take steps' to find their life partners and then, after marriage, how daddies should 'change nappies too'.

Ironically, this national agenda is such a talking point that that when I tell people I have three kids, their response is not: 'How lovely!' Rather, it is: 'Wah, doing your national duty.'

Incentives (plus a supportive family network and a flexible employer) can go some way to smoothening the path.

But if you look only at the bottom line, then whatever you get in terms of baby bonus and tax reliefs will never fully make up for those sleepless nights and what you have to pay for your child's diapers, milk, medical bills and school fees.

It is not that the mind doesn't know it. The heart must want to have kids before any sacrifice can be worth it.

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong also hopes employers will look into providing more flexi-work arrangements.

Let's extend this: I think the Government can also do more to exercise flexibility in deciding who benefits.

Those who benefit most from the latest roll-out of incentives are working women engaged in formal employment. But what about those who work part-time or on contract who may not enjoy the full range of benefits like leave?

Also, a 'working parent' who qualifies for the full childcare subsidy of $150 is a mother who works at least 56 hours a month. How do you put a time to, for example, freelance writing? Should 'contact time' still be the point of reference?

Madam Julyn Kang, 34, a part-time lecturer who has two children suggested: 'Redefine what a working mother is, based on taxable income rather than the number of hours you put in.'

Moreover, if it is the child's education that's at stake, why should there be a difference in the amount of subsidy for a working mum and a non-working mother (who only gets $75 off)? What about the women who choose to give up their careers so that they can raise well-balanced and, dare I say, gracious children?

Perhaps giving homemakers incentives goes against the grain of the broader policy of getting more women to work. But their children should not be left in the cold - they might well be your scholars and leaders of the future.

What of the role of schools in this baby equation?

Too often, I hear married couples say they don't want children because of what they see other kids going through in school.

Just last month, a friend related how her daughter's artwork was rejected by the teacher for being 'too plain'. Their daughter only had one night to 'improve it' and it was too late for their child to work on it after they had gone out after work to buy the decorative material.

So the parents had to pull a late night to finish the project. Little wonder then yet-to-be parents are put off. The lack of babies is a complex confluence of issues. To turn the tide requires a real shift in our values.

As PM Lee summed up: 'It is about mindsets, personal choices and values. Please put emphasis on marriage and family and make these your priorities in life.'

This message should ring loud to every one involved directly or indirectly in a child's life here - from teachers to employers - not just parents.

This article was first published in The New Paper on Aug 19, 2008.