Cyrus the virus

Cyrus the virus

US - I hate Miley Cyrus, and that's a good thing.

It's good for her, it's good for her fans, and it's good for humanity in general.

If some 45-year-old dude like me were to appreciate what she's been up to lately, it would be clear she's doing something terribly wrong.

Fortunately, I DESPISE her.

Loathe her. Detest her.

She makes me despair for mankind - RIP hope for the future.

The weird thing is I really liked her during her Hannah Montana days.

A goofy-looking but garang Southern girl, she actually reminded me a bit of my little sister.

Now she looks like Nicki Minaj's little sister, or perhaps her feral pet, and I just can't relate.

I liked her when she dressed like a rockin' chick and not a space hooker.

I liked her when she sang simple love songs and not overwrought, melodramatic odes to herself.

Unfortunately, I still have to yap about her because everyone else is yapping about her.

I cover pop culture news for Kiss92 on the Maddy, Jason And Arnold In The Morning, show and over the past month or so she's been popping up again and again in my Johnson Report.

It all started with her furry twerking on the MTV Video Music Awards.

Then there was her break-up with sad unicorn Liam Hemsworth.

Then there was the naked music video where she licked a sledgehammer - so unhygienic.

Then there was the Twitter feud with Sinead O'Connor, of all people.

Then there was her new album Bangerz - ugh, that z - going to number one all over the world.

Then there was her self-serving and delusional MTV documentary special Miley: The Movement.

I mean please, Miley, STOP DOING THINGS.

But that's the thing - She CAN'T stop.

She said so herself in her insufferable hit song We Can't Stop, the first single off Bangerz...with a z.

Sigh.

Cyrus' relentlessness is probably the thing I hate most about her.

Madonna redux

She's like Madonna redux - okay-looking, okay singer, okay dancer, but infinitely ambitious. She is 90 per cent marketer and 10 per cent musician.

I long for the days when lazy, truly eccentric women could make it as pop stars.

Whatever happened to the Debbie Harry types, the cool chicks who didn't really seem to give a damn? What about the sensitive weirdos like Kate Bush?

Cyrus is one of those Will To Power maniacs who you could imagine barking orders from atop a tank. I bet her underlings are terrified of her.

I bet her mum is terrified of her.

Anyway, who cares what I've got to say?

She's a new voice for a new generation, a generation I don't understand in the least. I mean, they think hip-hop is real music. I am on the wrong side of a very wide generation gap.

Have fun over there, guyz.

jjohnson@sph.com.sg


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