I did not like Entourage.
During those dark hours, I considered undergoing unnecessary surgery to lighten the mood.
I wanted to find a way to euthanise this film. With a brick. Repeatedly. Entourage could be the biggest cinematic waste of time since Sex And The City 2.
Like that film, this returns to a show long after its prime, turns the characters into caricatures and ditches plot in favour of aimless sketches.
Case in point: Johnny Drama goes viral thanks to a (solo) sex tape. His life is in ruins...for about a minute before it's swiftly forgotten.
Only apologists who blindly loved the once-great HBO series will like this. Them and anyone who thinks a few bare breasts and "nice" celebrities swearing quash the need for any effort to be put in.
There's a decent film in there of Gold struggling against the money men to get a film completed, but it's lost. It would require the other leads to have acting ability - something they have in thimbles.
But hey, instead the script has the character E become alluring to young women willing to get naked on camera. Connolly is laughably fully covered for those scenes.
In a film awash with A-listers and genuine talent, the sad truth is that 11 years since the show started, the leads, aside from Piven, are still comparative nobodies pretending to be famous.
I've never watched a single episode of Entourage.
And what a blessing in disguise.
Having caught this big-screen version, I don't think I've missed anything at all.
I still don't get why Hollywood bothers to "revive" TV shows for the cinema.
Sure, the TV series might have been a hit and won many awards, but those glory days are way over.
At least the Sex And The City movies have nice clothes, shoes and bags to keep me distracted.
What do we have here?
Cliches, sexist jokes, hot chicks in bikinis, and a neverending parade of celebrity cameos.
In a time where we're getting some really smart and entertaining comedies about bromances, here is something that feels like it's from the Stone Age.
Making it worse is that the guys can't act. It's no surprise the gang have yet to achieve success outside the show that ended four years ago, with Piven being the exception.
He's the only one who has segued from Entourage to other things, and deservedly so.
Piven brings much life to his Ari Gold, never failing to steal the thunder each time he shows up.
Now I know why he was the only castmember to have won the Golden Globe and Emmy awards I'm so glad Friends won't be taking the same TV-to-movie route.
STARRING: Adrian Grenier, Kevin Connolly, Jerry Ferrara, Kevin Dillon, Jeremy Piven, Haley Joel Osment
DIRECTOR: Doug Ellin THE SKINNY: The story continues where the series ended in 2011, where movie star Vince Chase (Grenier) now wants to be a director of a movie produced by his former agent-turned-studio head Ari Gold (Piven). Vince's bros Johnny Drama (Dillon), E (Connolly) and Turtle (Ferrara) are also living out their Hollywood dream of wild parties, booze and babes. RATING: R21
THE CONSENSUS: This is one Entourage we'd prefer not to hang with.
This article was first published on June 10, 2015.
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