Hi. This is Miley Cyrus' tongue.
The world hates me and the person to whom I am attached to.
This girl, whoops, I meant woman, decided to browbeat the fact that she's a "grown up" 20-year-old into the collective consciousness by twerking and grinding her tiny, prepubescent-looking butt into the groin of Blurred Lines singer Robin Thicke.
It was a horrifying three-minute performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.
And since then, everybody's been hating on my owner.
A Texan blogger's open letter urging her 13-year-old daughter not to emulate her, went viral with thousands of comments.
She had wrote: "If you ever even consider doing something like that, I promise you that I will run up and twerk so you will see how ridiculous twerking looks".
More painfully, the mother also wrote: "I will duct tape your mouth shut so your tongue doesn't hang out like an overheated hound dog."
You think I wanted to expose myself like that?
I was actually trying to escape the mortifying sequence of events, which saw my girl strip down to