Hey guys, did you know that Chris Brown is in jail?
The 25-year-old US hip hop star was lucky to just get probation for beating up then-girlfriend Rihanna back in 2009, but even after that major wake-up call, he hasn't been able to get his act together.
He was arrested in March for violating his probation after being booted out of a rehab facility that was treating his anger management issues.
What kind of nonsense do you have to pull to make anger management therapists angry at you?
Then, during a court hearing this week, a judge sentenced him to a year in jail for yet another probation violation - he's been accused of assaulting a fan in the US capital Washington.
Brown will only spend 131 days in jail due to time served, or maybe less owing to the overcrowding in California jails.
Over the past few years, Brown has also been involved in disagreements with fellow performers Drake and Frank Ocean, leading to yet more legal hassles.
It's just unbelievably dumb.
Maybe I'm naive, but I really don't understand why Brown feels the need to act like a tough guy.
This is someone with a voice as sweet as a nightingale which is force-fed macaroons, and yet he wants to project the image of a nasty man.
It's sad that he thinks he has to act this way.
My family and I have been flailing along to Just Dance 2014 on the PS4 over the past few weeks, and Brown's Fine China is my favourite song in the game.
Reminiscent of Off The Wall-era Michael Jackson, it's smooth, shimmery and seductive.
The chorus goes: "It's all right, I'm not dangerous / When you're mine, I'll be generous / You're irreplaceable / A collectible / Just like fine china."
How can you not be charmed by that?
Fine China came out last year, the first single off Brown's long-awaited new album X.
Unfortunately, the release date for X keeps getting pushed back due to his legal issues.
As someone who would like to experience the pleasure of listening to the album, I have an important message for Brown: You are not a tough guy. You make your living as a singer and a dancer.
If you want revenge against the world, keep making beautiful music.
Any bozo can push and shove his way through life.
You are one of the few equipped to glide.
You're fine china, dude.
Start acting like it.
This article was published on May 14 in The New Paper.
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