SINGAPORE- Frankly speaking, I think a lot of us underperformed in 2013.
Some of us were too fat. Some of us were too thin. Some of us smoked. Some of us drank. Some of us didn't spend enough time with our kids.
We can all do better, which is why it's so important to make a New Year's resolution.
In order to get you inspired, just take a look at the resolutions of music's biggest stars (as imagined by yours truly)!
2013: Cancelled tour.
2014: Realising that cancelling stuff is the best, resolves to cancel her subscription to WWE Magazine. Also resolves to be my bride. Why not? Stranger things have happened!
2013: Acted like a child.
2014: Resolves to learn the alphabet, colour inside the lines, wean himself off pacifier and stop making boom-boom on the carpet. Will continue to breastfeed, though.
2013: Released surprise mega album.
2014: Resolves to make everyone feel better about themselves by gaining 80kg, throwing all her money in a lake and giving up singing for career as solo tubaist. Still too hot for Jay-Z.
2013: Hooked up with Kendall Jenner.
2014: Finding that picking up chicks is ridiculously easy, the One Direction heart-throb resolves to go after a more challenging target: Mops and brooms. Mostly mops, specifically the Libman Wonder Mop. Hubba, hubba!
2014: Resolves to continue twerking as her butt has taken control over her mind a la Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. Her butt's not human! Her butt's already here! You're next! You're next!
2013: Named Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine.
2014: Resolves to take his sexiness to the next level and defend his title as Sexiest Man Alive. Also resolves to murder anyone who stands in his way. Death by smoulder!
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