I'm in Form Five this year and will be sitting for SPM. I feel stressed out just thinking about the examination. I worked really hard for all my Form Four examinations, but there wasn't much improvement.
I feel depressed and how it's all so unfair as others who are naughty and don't seem to pay much attention during lessons, get higher marks than I do.
I feel useless and am considering suicide. However, I'm a timid person. Every time I think of ending my life, I won't take any action because I'm scared to die.
I also think of my parents who love me unconditionally. I feel like the whole world is meaningless. School life is boring for me. I don't have a best friend in school to share my happiness and sorrows with.
I can only share all of my thoughts and feelings in my diary. I don't believe in friendship because I have been hurt and betrayed by my best friends before. I usually don't open my heart so easily to others.
I have gotten involved in various camps, because this seems to be the only way to make myself happier. However, it doesn't work as I'm not happy after the camp. I feel like my whole existence in this world is wrong.
Sometimes, when I cry, I hide and keep it all to myself. I don't want anyone, including my parents, to know that I'm in this situation. My mind is a big blank. The only thing I can think about is dying. Please help me solve my problems. - JW
Often, the answer to our problems lies within our reach, yet we can't see it. The frustrating thing is that you look for it everywhere in vain. Many people never find the solution.
Your case is different as you have taken this step to write in. Everything in our life is connected. Even when we think two separate parts could never influence each other, they do.
You have cut yourself off socially and admitted that you choose not to have friends as you don't believe in friendship. People are social beings. And no matter how much they want to deny that part of themselves, the truth is that we all need human interaction.
Research has shown that people actually begin to cease functioning properly when they don't have sufficient social stimulation. Babies' development has been shown to suffer serious negative consequences if they are not touched or talked to.
So you had one bad experience with a friend. Instead of cutting yourself off completely, you can reflect on what happened and learn from it. Know what went wrong and think about how you can avoid it in the future.
Diaries and journals are fantastic options for writing down your thoughts and feelings. You may think that this is the role of a friend - to listen to your problems.