Bookshops are closing. The printed page is struggling to keep up with online distractions. Everyone is obsessed with apps.
There is a woman who used to read all my books and columns but now spends every waking moment playing Farm Heroes.
And she's my wife.
I asked her to read my new manuscript last week. She made me wait until she had reached the next level by moving some strawberries around.
I've hit rock bottom. I've come second place to an online strawberry.
There's only one shot left at salvaging a literary career. In desperation, I'm sending this open letter to anyone out there.
Please ban my books.
I don't mind how many books, the more the merrier. But ideally, I'd like one of those "Not Allowed for All Ratings" classifications, please.
I noticed last week that the Media Development Authority gave that classification to Tan Pin Pin's documentary about political exiles - To Singapore, With Love - and public awareness for her project has gone through the roof.
So I'd be very grateful if you could find the time to do the same for me.