Lust has no borders

Lust has no borders

You will have noticed that our cover story involves study mamas again.

This is the other side to last week's lead story, where correspondent Maureen Koh talked to study mamas in the wake of a viral video. It showed a man standing in between his wife and his alleged mistress - who is a study mama.

Maureen had tracked down several women living here while their children study in mainstream schools. One admitted that she had two affairs with local men, while an informal support group of these study mamas made an impassioned plea for us to not judge the basket by a few bad apples.

Maureen and the paper received a lot of e-mail after the story was published. Some wanted to express their opinions, some very vociferously. Others shared their experiences. Because of the response, we decided that we should give the men a say on why they fell for their lovers.

I will now point out something that should be obvious, but can often get lost when it comes to such stories.

It may be tempting - and very easy - to judge people based on where they hail from. Especially if they speak and look different. But it is hard to justify this.

Affairs happen. Husband or wife (let's not fall for the cliche that it's always about the men) is bored and someone comes along, whatever the nationality, who makes them feel attractive again.

Sure, they might fall foul of the prevailing morals, but a person from a certain nationality does not automatically mean home-wrecker.

The aftermath can also be very clear - there is no beautiful end to an affair. It may end happily for some, but all round it won't be pretty. This is a lesson both men in our stories know too well. One has a new life to build, one has a life to rebuild.

The sympathy will always lie with the innocent party, the wives, husbands and children left in the lurch.

But it has to be said, both men are showing some strength in talking to us. To openly admit adultery is one thing, admitting who they fell for - in the current climate - must add to the pressure.

To those willing to make this an "us and them" issue, bear in mind that getting a mind clouded by lust is an equal-opportunity problem.

Where the passport is from doesn't come into it.

This article was first published on September 07, 2014.
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