The NYE cheat sheet

SINGAPORE - There is no greater reminder to plan ahead for your New Year's Eve (NYE) outing than the thought of being surrounded by absolute chaos. Of course, it is usually too late by then.

The city's traffic is at a hair-pulling gridlock, babies (adult and infant variety) are out-crying each other, and it feels like the country is hitting a 6.9 million population right before your eyes.

And red is the most detested colour because it seems like every taxi has its "busy" sign lit.

Every year is the same.

But too often, any lessons learnt from shambolic NYE debacles are forgotten right after the countdown-high fizzles out. Hindsight is little comfort when you are trying to find transport home at 6am.

Make an early resolution: Don't be that person again.

Here is my cheat sheet to make your transition into 2014 enjoyable.

Drop me a tweet at @ zulandra and share your personal survival guide to the new year.

To-do list

Failure to plan is planning to fail, said someone who probably suffered too many NYE outings.

It takes a few minutes to write down what you want to do ahead of the countdown.

But it will save you hours of needless walking, waiting and wallowing in self-pity.

Do not join the thousands wandering aimlessly like zombie chickens - similar to a headless chicken, just slower - around the city after midnight.

Beat them with a to-do list.

Start with 10 activities/locations you would like to take on - dinner, drinks or checking out the fireworks.

Then narrow it down to five that are within close proximity to each other.

Unless you have access to a presidential motorcade, forget activities that are far from each other - going from Boon Lay to Pasir Ris is off the cards.

Once you have five, choose two that you can miss without bursting into tears. This leaves you with three must-do activities.

Now, all you need is to plan your route of advancement with military precision.

Entry-exit strategy

Whether you are driving, taking public transport or jogging to your selected destination, never assume it will be easy.

Transport operators have announced some route diversions.

But extensions of bus and train services are also being added during the countdown at Marina Bay and Boon Lay.

Yes, Boon Lay.

Don't doubt that the heartland can throw a stellar party.

Affected roads include: Bayfront Avenue, Collyer Quay, Connaught Drive, Esplanade Drive, Fullerton Road, Marina Boulevard, Raffles Avenue and Temasek Avenue, which will be closed from 6pm on NYE to 1am the next morning.

The same timing applies to road closures on Boon Lay Drive, Boon Lay Place and Corporation Road.

But MRT services will be extended to as late as 2.55am on certain routes, and Night Owl bus services will operate until 4am instead of 2am.

Now all you need to do is to formulate how to get in and out in timely fashion.

With your activities within comfortable distance, travelling by foot is best.

If you must drive, park early in the day.

With public transport, getting to your destination is easy but getting out is another thing.

Try booking a cab in advance or position yourself towards the nearest bus or train ride right after the countdown.

Be technologically prepared

Be prepared for a telecommunications outage as thousands of mobile phone users will be sending out New Year greetings.

Best leave the status updates to when you get home.

Even worse is seeing that "low battery" message when there are still hours of partying to go.

How are you going to rendezvous with friends you lost amid the chaos?

Here is where we need a little foresight. Communicate before setting off.

Set meeting points.

Then, put the phone away and experience the hustle and bustle of NYE in its full glory. But still take a portable phone charger, or you may find that lacking a phone has left you starting 2014 in the Stone Age.

Survival backpack

It is hardly being dropped into a treacherous jungle with no food, water or shelter in sight.

But you still need some essentials.

Phone, charger and a packet of wet tissue will help you get through the night.

Home is where the heart is

When all else fails, nothing beats spending NYE in the comfort of your home with friends and family.

If that is the rarest thing you have done all year, now is the best time to kick-start that resolution.

My 6 nightlife wishes for 2014

Time to make wish lists and resolutions for 2014.

Last year, one of my resolutions was to drink less.

I was reminded of that just a few weeks ago, thanks to finding a crumpled Post-it note.

First thing to do next year: Clean my room.

There are a few wishes I have for the nightlife scene.

1. Shame the shameless

Many discerning punters I have met dread the thought of going on a night out for one reason - the kind of people who blemish it.

There are many types of ugly revellers, but a few really stand out.

One of my "favourites" is the douchebag.

To a douchebag, the world revolves around them.

These ignorant, obnoxious, attention-seeking punters come in all shapes and sizes.

They'll cut the queue, knock your drinks over, attempt to steal your date and dance like a primate on drugs without a care in the world.

At every point in the history of nightlife, there they are, like a stubborn stain.

But one thing establishments and law-enforcement agencies have not done is to mark these douchebags.

It's cost-effective and really easy to execute.

Once a punter steps out of line, mark with a permanent neon ink.

It could be done on the wrist, but then it could become a badge of honour.

I suggest the forehead.

We could throw in horrible types from opposite ends of the age spectrum - the young, cheap drunks who populate bridges like trolls and the more mature big spenders who think buying champagne means they own the world.

2. EDM* OUT *Electronic dance music

For the uninitiated, EDM doesn't encompass every single electronic music catalogue.

It's a genre.

In the industry, EDM is regarded as the bastardised version of what electronic music really is and should be.

It is loud, a lot of the tracks sound like clones and it often elicits monkey-like behaviour.

It's what acclaimed DJs like Hardwell, Steve Aoki, David Guetta and, er, Paris Hilton would play.

Or rather, not play, since they've been accused of performing with pre-recorded set lists.

But EDM also makes tonnes of money.

Just look at Dutch DJ Hardwell's recent Fort Canning gig.

It was sold out, and I heard some kids were willing to pay more than four times the $88 entry fee.

There's no artistry or credibility in EDM.

Compare its stars to technical greats like British DJ Harvey and hip-hop DJ Jazzy Jeff, who actually mix tracks.

It doesn't have audio artists like Flying Lotus, Dixon and Jackmaster, who create highly personal sets. There are no forward- thinking music selectors like Gilles Peterson and Joy Orbison, who push the boundaries, rather than just press "play".

The good news is that EDM is tiring and losing its appeal, at least according to some US festival organisers I spoke to.

Hopefully, next year, EDM fans can discover the depth of what electronic music is.

3. Let's talk

There are dance music conferences worldwide where captains of the nightlife industry meet, share ideas and party.

Winter Music Conference in Miami and Electronic Music Conference in Sydney are the big ones.

Time for one to be held in Singapore.

4. Global home-grown artists

The idea of Singaporean music being lauded overseas is not as far-fetched as it was five years ago.

Home-grown DJs, producers and bands are making their presence felt on foreign soil.

There are even three local acts appearing in the fourth Laneway Festival next month.

Artists like Vandetta and techno DJ Xhin are up and coming.

Xhin even has a schedule packed with gigs everywhere from Tokyo to Berlin.

Folk-pop quartet The Sam Willows has played music festivals in Korea, Perth and the prestigious South By Southwest Festival in Texas.

Electronic outfit Sub:shaman has been dubbed as one of the "Five best new Asian bands" by South China Morning Post.

My wish for 2014?

That these artists don't play in Singapore too often as they get busy on the world stage

5. Popping parties

The Pop-up fad seems to be cooling. But when it comes to nightlife, more parties at obscure locations, please!

Dance music weekender Super 0 at a former art gallery and Fred Perry's indie fest Subsonic at a futsal complex proved just how much fun it can be dancing where you usually wouldn't.

6. Close all the roads

To further the "Don't drink and drive" campaigns, close down nightlife belts to traffic.

The Urban Redevelopment Authority is already doing a great job with Circular Road and Ann Siang Hill on the weekends.

Let's push it to Duxton Hill, Keong Saik Road and beyond.

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