For ritzier or poorer

SINGAPORE - All this couple wanted to do was to indulge their desire for a dream wedding.

After all, you only get married once in this lifetime, says Mr Cayden Lee.

"My wife and I didn't want to have any regrets when we look back at our wedding."

But that indulgence proved to be costly for them.

The 32-year-old insurance agent is still mired in the debt he incurred in October 2012.

He tells The New Paper on Sunday: "This is the real regret. We struggle from month to month just to make ends meet."

The couple borrowed $45,000 from a financial institution with a repayment period of two years.

They also borrowed $4,000 from a licensed moneylender and $11,000 from a relative.

On top of that, they pumped in their entire savings of $20,000.

They also charged to their individual credit cards, says his wife, who wants to be known only as Mrs Lee. She estimates it was another $30,000.

The total sum? $110,000.

Says the housewife: "When we first did our calculations, we were confident that we could afford it. "We gave ourselves about a year or two, at the maximum, to work things out."

But what Mrs Lee, 28, did not count on was losing sleep over hounding debt collectors.

She slipped into depression about six months after her wedding, and finally quit her job as an insurance agent.

Mrs Lee offers a weak smile, then says: "Sometimes, I even avoid my friends now. They are the ones whom I invited to my wedding, but I know they are laughing at my stupidity."

She also admits that she is "more to be blamed" for their financial state than her husband.

Says Mrs Lee: "I was envious of my younger sister, who invited our relatives and her friends to an all-paid, 3D2N trip to Boracay in the Philippines for her wedding, just a year earlier.

"I think my husband really tried to please me, and did everything he could to cater to my whims."

Her whims, she says, included having a bridal arch made with 999 fresh tulips from Holland, completed with a tulip-shaped balloon, for their wedding march-in. The arch cost nearly $12,000.

The wedding banquet was held at a six-star hotel in the Marina Bay area, with each of the 45 tables costing $1,688++.

Other costs included their bridal photography, make-up, hair-styling and videography.

They spent so much that Mrs Lee's other dream - a honeymoon in Europe - had to be put off.

She says: "We ended up going to Genting Highlands for five days instead.

"It was painful, but by the time we sat down and looked at the balance sheet (of costs), my husband told me there was no way we could afford it."

Mr Lee feels that they neglected to consider one important factor - that his relatives were not the "high-class or rich folks".

His father is a hawker, while his mother is a housewife who stays home to take care of his sister's young children.

"Our relatives are mostly ordinary people, not highly educated, and I think that is also why the hongbaos collected eventually did not cover some of the table costs," he muses.

To break even, the couple had to collect $200 from each guest, adds Mrs Lee.

Trying to clear the debts has also put a strain on the marriage and their relationship, Mr Lee reveals.

"I think we have had more fights since we got married than in the six years that we were dating," he says.

"Most times, it was over money... and we'd end up blaming each other for the situation."

Even during this interview, there were several instances when either one would raise his or her voice. Mr Lee adds: "Hopefully we will be able to clear (the debts) this year."

The couple have made lifestyle changes to ease the strain on the pockets.

He says: "We spend most of our time watching television at home, or going to the nearby park for our regular jogs."

They allow themselves one treat a month - a choice between catching a movie or going for a spa retreat. "We really cannot afford anything more than that," he says.

They celebrated their belated anniversary in Genting Highlands just this week with the bonus that Mr Lee received.

With a wry smile, he says: "It's better than nothing, I guess.

"Luckily, we are still young and we just need to tighten our belts for now."

But the lesson is one that both have committed to their hearts to remember, so much that they took the trouble to sit a mutual friend's daughter down for a talk.

Mrs Lee says: "She was planning for a lavish wedding in Sentosa, and wanted to include fireworks, among other things.

"And they were intending to get a few loans from their family and friends.

"I told them, 'Look at me, I went down the path like a fool and I am still trying to pay for the expensive lesson.

"Why walk down the same road as us?"

maureenk@sph.com.sg

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