Uniquely my wedding

Uniquely my wedding

By the time you reach the end of this column - if you make it to the end - you may get the impression that I am making fun of people who take their pre-wedding photos at a FairPrice supermarket.

But let me assure you that I have no intention of mocking people for commemorating their special bond at a place other people associate as their key source of affordable toilet paper.

I am going to stay above the fray, making sure to steer well clear of any puns about fondling melons in the fruit aisle or literally adding spice (MasterFoods brand) to a relationship. I certainly won't be reminding anyone thinking of doing the same thing to make sure the kangkong hasn't gone limp.

As far as I am concerned, it's your wedding and you are free to do what you want.

Having had one personal experience with weddings, I am painfully cognisant of the fact that the process of planning to tie the knot can cause significant, albeit temporary, brain damage.

You take a PhD scholar researching quantum mechanics and subject him to the forces of wedding planning and suddenly he is saying things like: "Sure! Let's ride in on llamas. What a great idea! It will be unique. I'm sure the restaurant won't mind."

And the wedding brain forces are so potent that the bride or groom will never ever realise that the llamas were a bad idea. The llama may have tried to bite one of the children and the restaurant may have slapped on a $4,000 animal waste handling fee and the blissful couple would say: "It was totally worth it."

As I was planning my own wedding, my addled brain somehow decided that it was a stroke of genius to hold it on top of a small hill, never mind the elderly relatives that are wheelchair-bound. "Some of the family members will be more than happy to hoist them up the steep stairway," the brain waves said.

An early sign of the wedding logical thinking inhibitors starting to kick in is often at the pre-wedding photo shoot.

Prior to a wedding, many people will make bold proclamations about the futility of a pricey wedding photo shoot that does not technically help you remember the actual wedding. Yet, a few months into it, and there they are wearing a suit to a supermarket.

It's not as if, years from now, you will sit down with your children and go through this big photo album dressed with lace reminiscing about your wedding.

Mother: "See boy, this was mummy and daddy's big wedding celebration."

Boy: "You got married in the homeware aisle of FairPrice?"

Mother: "No, no. This wasn't the actual wedding day, this was a few months before. We chose the supermarket because it was a significant part of our lives and this picture will always remind us of that... I just remembered we are out of toilet paper."

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