Ask Jay: My husband needs to get sexual satisfaction elsewhere

Got a relationship problem? Jason Godfrey, our resident columnist and man about town, is here to help.

Q. I have vaginismus, which has prevented me from consummating my marriage for a few months. My husband has been very understanding but recently confessed that he needs to get sexual satisfaction "elsewhere". I'm so hurt. What should I do?

A. Well, at least he's being honest with you. You need to let him know that you appreciate his understanding and that you're working at dealing with your condition so you can both fully enjoy the marriage. And you do know there are other ways to achieve sexual satisfaction for both of you besides intercourse, right? Maybe it's time to employ those methods before he gets too frustrated and goes out and does something he might regret.

Q. A guy I know seems interested in me - he says and does things to get my attention. But whenever I respond, he withdraws and seems troubled. What's up with that?

A. Maybe you make him think such hot and dirty thoughts that it makes him question his morals. Girls seem to think guys are dating machines who can ask anyone out at a moment's notice, but we're not. We're just as confused and self-doubting as you girls. Don't be afraid to make the first move.

Q. I've just started seeing someone, but I'm very bothered by his oldfashioned notions about how women should look. He couldn't understand my pixie cut ("because long hair is feminine") and he thinks women should only wear dresses - he balked when I showed up for a function wearing a Le Smoking-inspired tuxedo. What is up with him?

A. It could be a sign that he's from a farming commune up in the hills somewhere. Is he actually upset with your appearance, or is he just ribbing you? Lots of guys will tease their girls about their short hair - my girlfriend once cut her hair shorter than mine and I confess I made a man joke or two - but it's diff erent if he's actually bothered that your appearance is less than what he considers to be feminine.

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