Being 'sports parents'

Being 'sports parents'

Parents who support their children's sporting pursuits can sometimes navigate tricky terrain.

While there are "sports parents" who appreciate their kids' efforts and motivate them, there are others who may impose their hopes and expectations on their children, or try to vicariously live a dream they never achieved for themselves, says Dr Fabian William, the head coach and director at Fabian Williams Coaching Concepts, a coaching company that specialises in track and field and triathlons.

He cites a case this year where a parent told him he wanted his 11-year-old son to be a sprinter, though the boy said that he preferred badminton.

Dr William says: "Overly enthusiastic parents who emphasise winning and push the need for better performance can produce stress on the children.

"We need to stick to what sports is about - sportsmanship, discipline, teamwork and learning to care and share."

Another expert, Mr Zhang Jian Lan, 43, the head swimming coach at Aquatic Performance Swim Club, cautions parents against an "instant noodles" culture of expecting fast results.

"To train swimmers to reach Olympic or Asian Games standards, it takes 10 years. It cannot be done in one or two years," says Mr Zhang, who adds that big expectations may mean that promising athletes do not develop in a healthy way.

They took their own hurdles everywhere

When Ow Yeong Yu Xiang was in Primary 6 and his brother, Wei Bin, in Primary 3, their parents bought their own hurdles for their sons' track and field training outside school.

Their father, IT director Ow Yeong Boon Tian, 48, says: "When they were in primary school, we bought about 10 hurdles so they could improve their hurdling skills with a private coach."

The hurdles were kept in the boot of the car, ready to be used for training sessions at Bedok and Toa Payoh stadiums then. The equipment was set aside when the boys entered Hwa Chong Institution and were trained by coaches there.

At the 2013 National Inter School Track & Field Championships, Yu Xiang, now 20 and a full-time national serviceman, broke a 27- year-old record to win the Boys' A Division 400m hurdles.

At the same event last year, Wei Bin, now a 16-year-old Hwa Chong Institution student, won two golds in hurdles and track events.

Mr Ow says he and his wife, freelance wellness consultant Stella Tan, 46, have been recording videos of their sons' competitions and training since Yu Xiang was 11.

"It is partly for the memories and partly for them to learn from their mistakes," he says, referring to how athletes view such footage to improve their technique.

Mr Ow, a former national athlete, also rubs muscle gel on his sons' sore muscles after a gruelling session. He supports them because he says: "Sports builds character and cultivates a person's perseverance. It's not so much about winning, but the process and training."

In 1993, he captained the Singapore volleyball team to a bronze medal at the South-east Asia Games.

Ms Tan has been feeding her sons according to "their athletic needs" since they were in primary school. Their meals include steamed fish, lean meat and boiled or stir-fried vegetables.

She cut down on her work commitments because she wants to "support the children academically and in sports".

Although she says she just wants them to enjoy themselves and does not expect much from them, Wei Bin says he feels some pressure: "The demands are high because of the treatment I get from coaches and parents. I've to perform to a certain standard. I want to set a personal goal."

Yu Xiang says: "When I was at school, there was a time for training and studying. I didn't think much about it.

"Now, I miss the time when my parents ferried me around for training and events. I'm thankful that they care for our overall welfare, ensuring that we're able to cope both academically and in sports."

Starting a football training school

Mrs Noeline Keiser has been a football mum for her three sons for more than 25 years.

She started ferrying her eldest son, Joseph, to and from football practice and matches when he was five. Now 32, he lives in New York where he works in IT.

She says: "Since the late 1980s, my husband has been the coach and I the football mum. We wanted our kids to be outdoors and in a team sport, rather than watching TV or be on the computer or phone. It was fun for us to see them improve in the sport."

She and her husband - American Joe Keiser, 62, an executive search consultant - have four children, including a daughter, all raised in Singapore.

While her sons were growing up, they played football in the Australian and New Zealand International Junior Football League here.

Mrs Keiser, 57, a manager at Deloitte Singapore, recalls "helping the kids tie their shoelaces and run in the right direction".

She later toted first-aid kits and prepared coolers filled with freshly cut orange slices and juice cartons for their football matches.

But a few years ago, it was no longer enough for her youngest son, Shane, now a 14-year-old student, to play football among friends. He, as well as others involved in their football games, wanted a bigger stage.

Mrs Keiser says: "A lot of the parents and children, as well as Shane, wanted more. They wanted to play in leagues rather than among themselves. That's why we started a football school."

She and her husband opened Milan Football School here, an extension of the training academy of Italian giants AC Milan, in November 2013.

Shane, who says he wanted to feel more "challenged" in football at that time, says there is no downside to his parents' intensive involvement and support in his chosen sport.

"I feel encouraged when my mum cheers me on when we're losing a match," he adds.

Taking leave to cook for sailing team

When 18-year-old student Yukie Yokoyama and her elder sister, Michiko, 20, started sailing in primary school, their parents did not understand why their boats sometimes seemed to be stuck in the water.

The sisters, both of whom went on to don national colours in competitions, explained that wind strength and speed, sea currents and the position of the vessel could be reasons for the lack of movement - and they would explain more than once.

"I would ask the same question every time they raced," says their mother, Ms Sharifah Masturah Shahab- Yokoyama, 49, a teacher in a special education school.

In 2008, Ms Sharifah and her Japanese husband, Mr Haruo Yokoyama, 49, an IT network manager in a bank, decided to take up sailing themselves to understand their daughters' sport better.

"It helped me understand how difficult and tiring sailing is, and how I can better support Yukie and Michiko," says Ms Sharifah.

For example, she learnt to prepare simple snacks such as chicken wraps to sustain her daughters during a day of racing in the open waters, which can last six hours.

Heavy meals such as packed noodle lunches can cause vomiting.

Michiko, a second-year political science undergraduate at National University of Singapore, no longer races competitively.

Yukie, a Raffles Institution student, will be sailing at the upcoming South-East Asian Games in Singapore. Their youngest sister, Naomi, is 16.

As a sports parent, Ms Sharifah took three weeks' no-pay leave in 2009 to cook and care for a 17-strong overseas contingent as a team manager.

She and her husband have spent more than $50,000 to buy second-hand boats and sails for their children in the past 10 years or so. Ms Sharifah says: "I want to show my children that I am interested in them and encourage them to pursue their passion."

Yukie says: "I really appreciate it. She has grown as a sailing mum."

Waking at 4am to prepare breakfast

Housewife Rona Chue, 45, rattles off her national swimmer daughter Christie's typical daily schedule, which she seems to run like clockwork.

Since January, there have been four morning training sessions a week, which start at 5.30am. In addition, there are 10 afternoon training sessions each week for Christie, 14, who recently qualified to make her debut at the 28th South-East Asian Games in Singapore in June.

Mrs Chue prepares protein-rich meals, including vegetables and 500g of beef, for her daughter. (The coach had advised protein for quick recovery after training.)

Christie, a Secondary 3 student at CHIJ Katong Convent, eats lunch and dinner from a thermos pot in the car while being ferried by her mother to and from training.

"It has been tough. I have to get Christie to wake up early. When she was in Primary 5 and had weekly morning training sessions, I had to get her to go to bed at 7pm. Now it's 9.30pm," says Mrs Chue.

"I sometimes wake up at 4am to prepare breakfast for Christie. When she was 11, she was the only one doing morning training, so I accompanied her to do exercises like squats, chin-ups and push-ups so she wouldn't slack off."

Mrs Chue took on a dominant sports parent role as her husband, Mr Michael Chue, 64, was a pilot whose job took him out of Singapore a lot until he retired last year.

For Christie, who says she is an "average student", swimming is something she can be good at. She says: "My studies are something that is 'off and on', but swimming is 'on'."

Mrs Chue says she pushes Christie, the youngest of her three children, "to give her a sense of achievement during her teenage years".

"She swam the 50m breast-stroke on her own when she was 2½ years old. She can never be top three in her studies, but I have faith that she can be among the top three in swimming."

venessal@sph.com.sg


This article was first published on Mar 29, 2015.
Get a copy of The Straits Times or go to straitstimes.com for more stories.

This website is best viewed using the latest versions of web browsers.