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In spite of what they say, being a man is a hard job.
And on top of that, we also need to attract a mate of the opposite gender at some point of life - or die alone eating Doritos while watching 'Game of Thrones'.
What makes it so hard is that most of the time, we have no clue what this other gender, a.k.a. females, want or like.
What do women want? Ummm, we don't know either…
We try our best to impress them with outrageous antics, hoping we stand out from the rest of the men so that we have a decent shot. If not for women, we would never have bothered to climb Mount Everest, invent the aeroplane or the computer, or come up with Penicillin.
I, for one, am sure that Christopher Columbus went on his quest around the world to find the sea route to India, only to impress some girl from Spain who had run off with a Flamenco guitarist.
As a 30-year-old man, I still have no idea what women are looking for, and have been more and more efficiently repelling women for the last two decades.
Finally, with a few good years left in me, I decided to go on a quest to find out what makes a normal man attractive to women. (When I say normal, I mean men who do not own a Ferrari, do not look like Greek Gods, and are basically not Christian Grey from '50 Shades of Grey'.)
But we need to find out!
Yet even in these desperate times, I couldn't help being lazy and turned to the easiest source of knowledge - the Interweb - and to annoying the few female friends I have for help, till they admitted they had no clue either.
After a hectic six months of investigation, though, I seem to have come up with four factors that will help you not repel women.
4 steps to be 'irresistible' to womankind
1. Confidence - not arrogance - is apparently very sexy
Confidence is a tricky thing. And it is hard to be confident when you do not have much going for you in life. But in front of your potential mate, always maintain a level of confidence and belief in yourself.
If you want to have a nervous breakdown and whine about how there is nothing else to live for, do that with your male friends at a pub at two o'clock on a Friday night.
The hardest part is maintaining your confidence level within a narrow band of comfort for your female companion. Any excess confidence will be misconstrued as arrogance, and anything less will be considered self-loathing, both of which are not attractive.
2. Why did Luke Skywalker not cross the street? Use humor
Apparently, women are suckers for a guy with a sense of humour. After all, life is bleak, and we keep going forward, fuelled only by irrational hope, religion, alcohol, or doughnuts. And if you can be this bright spark of mirth in the darkness of life, it is certainly an amazingly attractive quality.
Now, you have to be careful with your sense of humour, as I have found out from real life experiences. Self-deprecating humour is fine, but only up to the point where someone actually starts agreeing with it.
There is a fine line between a guy with a good sense of humour and a jester, and you must be careful not to cross that.
3. Be Hyde, not Fez. Never be needy
If you did not get the reference above, it is from 'That 70's Show'. Hyde is kinda the most secure guy amongst the group, while Fez is Mr Needy.
Especially in our first few relationships, we might have made the mistake of thinking our entire lives should revolve around our particular female companion. However, this is a massive mistake and the most unattractive thing to do.
What is attractive for a man is to have his own life, aims and aspirations, but with an additional seat to take the woman for the ride if she would like to. On the other hand, if you do give up everything and spend the whole day trying to contact her, she will get rid of you soon.
4. Apparently, just having a job is not enough; you need to have edgy hobbies
Apparently, a guy who just goes to work, comes back home and leads his life is as attractive as plain yogurt - good for you, but no one wants to buy it. So not only does a guy need to be ambitious and make money, he also needs to have interesting past-times like playing the bass guitar on weekends, saving baby seals in Antarctica, or wrestling Great White Sharks.
No wonder my Facebook feed is full of guys travelling all over the world to impress females, while I am sitting here writing infantile and inappropriate articles.
So is this all worth it?
As I had pointed out earlier, if you want to die alone covered in Dorito dust, go ahead and be yourself. You might meet someone who will like you for who you are, but I think you have a better chance of winning the lottery three times over, get hit by lightning at least 10 times, and meet an alien from several light years away - before you find her.