Dear Thelma: 'He made me feel like a prostitute'

Dear Thelma: 'He made me feel like a prostitute'

Dear Thelma,

I AM a 26-year-old working girl. I was with Z for five years, before we broke up a couple of months ago. I wanted to break up with him many times before as I felt we were incompatible.

But Z insisted that relationships were about commitment.

His demands for sex made me depressed at times. Initially I thought it was all right to have sex with him because I was curious about sex. But later I felt scared.

I was afraid of getting pregnant as he wanted unprotected sex sometimes. He said he was too shy to buy condoms at the pharmacy, and that made me feel insecure. He liked to touch and grope me in public.

Sometimes I enjoyed it, like the sluts in movies, but mostly I felt uncomfortable and ashamed of myself. I felt like a prostitute. We had talked about this and quarrelled over it.

He told me he could not control his sexual desires, and since no one is perfect, I should learn to accept his imperfection.

I had planned to marry Z this year, and almost resigned from my job to move to his hometown in Kuantan, Pahang.

I went to view some houses with him and his family. After a month or so, I asked him if he had bought a house. He said he had not as the project was not doing well.

He did not mention anything about marriage. I felt discouraged and after my sister sat me down for a few hours, and told me what a jerk he is, I decided to break up with him.

What happened next was, I tried to kill myself by taking an overdose of drugs. A friend of mine, M, sort of saved me. I was supposed to meet him for a game show we were participating in.

He called me when I did not show up at the appointed time. M said I somehow managed to pick up his call and I was crying and talking incoherently. He got worried and rushed over to my house.

I was admitted to hospital. M took leave the next two days, and brought food for me and kept me company.

M confessed that he was in love with me. I told him about Z, and that I was afraid all men would be like Z. M assured me that he would create beautiful memories with me.

My family and friends advised me to consider carefully as M is of another race. What I am worried about is whether M would make sexual advances like my ex.

He said he could control himself and would not ask for sex before marriage. Is it possible to french kiss without ending up having sex?

I do like him. I like the way we can joke and laugh, and talk freely about anything. It does not feel awkward even when we are not talking. Is he the right guy? Can I trust him with my heart? - Lost and confused

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