I am in my early 40s, and married with two children. I met a handsome salesman a year ago. He is also in his early 40s. He is still single but has a girlfriend. I am attracted to him and look forward to seeing him and chatting with him. I know I shouldn't feel this way because I am a married woman.
Recently, he was transferred to another branch quite far away. I feel sad because I can't see him anymore. But he will take all my calls and end every conversation with a "take care" and "keep in touch".
How can I find an excuse to see him again? Should I keep in touch or should I just forget about him? Is it normal for someone my age to be so attracted to another guy?
- Taurus Gal
Dear Taurus Gal,
Really, there is nothing wrong with a woman your age being attracted to another man.
As humans, we are attracted to that which is beautiful and which makes us happy. That is why we love art and sunset, and music and movies.
While there is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone when you are already in a committed relationship, it is what you do about that attraction that is important.
He is a handsome man, as you say. Perhaps you like the attention from him. It is certainly quite a boost to the ego to get the attention of a good-looking person.
The fact that he makes it a point to answer all your calls despite a busy schedule would seem very flattering.
Perhaps it is something for you to look forward to. It is different. It is a thrill. It is not the mundane routine you are used to and expect from your days.
If it is just this, it is innocent and is quite acceptable. You can continue to keep in touch with him. His signing off with "Take care" and "Keep in touch" mean just that.
Do not read too much into it. They are, actually, polite ways of ending a conversation with someone.
It is necessary, though, for you to really examine what you are feeling. Are you happy with just a friendship with this man?
So, the question is not what you should or should not do. The question you should ask yourself is what are you expecting from this relationship with him.
If you are certain that all you want is friendship - an opportunity to escape the ordinary for a few short moments - then by all means you should go ahead and continue the friendship.
If you can trust yourself that you will not cross the boundaries of your marriage vows, then any friendship with someone of the opposite sex is totally acceptable.
However, if you find yourself unsure of what you want or what you are expecting, it may be necessary for you to pause and take stock of your thoughts and feelings.
There may be many reasons for you to feel this way. It does not make you a bad person. But you will have to work out why you are feeling this way. Is it because you feel something is lacking in your relationship with your husband?
It is not uncommon for people to "fall out of love" or feel that the spark has left their relationship. People tend to forget that relationships take work.
If you want to keep the sparks, you have to light some fires. Romance is not just for the young or newly-weds. It is an important aspect of any relationships. If this is how you feel, then there are things you can do to help the situation.
For one, you will have to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Or, you may want to change things a little and break the routine - do something new together.
Do something unexpected. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or your husband for an out-of-the-world experience. Just enjoy the moment.
You may find that you like things just the way they are and that the attention from the salesperson was just a passing phase. And, that is completely acceptable as well.
Do not have unrealistic or unfair expectations of yourself. It is all right to feel something you have never felt before. Or, to feel something unexpected. It is all part of the human experience.
What really matters is what you will do with those feelings. The tiniest of slips - intentional or not - has huge implications for everyone.
What is really important at times like this is to just call for time-out and think through what you want. You should take as much time as you need to make that decision.