He just wants her as a friend with benefits

He just wants her as a friend with benefits

Knowing he's not the one and getting over the pain of losing someone you loved is never easy.

Dear Thelma,

I'm in pain and I don't know what to do. I met a guy three years ago. We dated and then, he ended our relationship because he could not commit himself. I want a guy who can spend time with me a few times a week.

Doing stuff like having dinner, going to the movies or just staying home to talk. Someone who's willing to travel with me and talk to me on the phone when we don't meet up.

Is that too much to ask for? He did say that he didn't want any commitments from the start. I stayed because I thought he would change his mind.

But as it turns out, I was stupid. He ended things in August and since then, I've tried so hard to be strong. I go out with my friends, laugh with them, but I still feel empty because, at the end of the day, I don't have someone special to go back to.

I loved him a lot, despite his faults. I knew this day would come, that he didn't want me like I wanted him. He said he would do all the things that a couple does, including have sex with me.

But he is not my boyfriend. Then, why did he bother to see me when I was in trouble? I know I shouldn't want this guy anymore, but I still long for him.

Is it because there's no one else? Now that it is completely gone, I feel nothing is left. He is now in another state while I live in KL.

He said he would still look for me when he's back, but he's just a friend with benefits. I don't want to do it with a guy that doesn't love me but, at same time, I do.

How do I stop thinking of him? I don't know why I would still want someone who deserted me. Is it because of the sex? Friends tell me to keep myself busy but no matter what I'm doing, I'll still be thinking of him. - Still in pain

Thelma replies

Finding "The One" is hard. And, you are bound to find some bad apples along the way. That is what you have to keep in mind. As hard as it is to get over it, your ex-boyfriend was the bad apple.

Yes, it is painful. The pain is twofold as it comes from the breakup, and also from knowing that he didn't return your feelings. You have invested three years of your life into this relationship.

And it hurts when you felt so much for him, yet all he saw in you was a convenient sex buddy.

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