The incredible sulk

Okay, fellas, it's time for the truth.

You must know by now that when we say, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache", we don't actually have one.

Those of you with even the most rudimentary grasp of biology must also have figured out that we can't possibly be having our period three times in the same month.

All this has been a not-so-elaborate smokescreen, a polite way to say, "Sex? With you? Now? You've got to be kidding" before laughing our heads off internally.

Yes, you should be happy we spare your feelings by lying.

Why do we do it?

Because we're tired of how our flat-out sex rejections are met with sulks - let's call them sex sulks.

Want a classic example of one?

How about that viral online story earlier this year of the unnamed American man who sent his wife an Excel spreadsheet, documenting all the times she rejected him for sex and included her reasons for doing so ("I feel sweaty and gross" being one).

Talk about passive-aggressive!

Having been married for more than six years, and with input from friends who have been hitched a fairly long time, I am fully aware of the sex sulking that goes on in relationships - and it's always the men, by the way.

It might not happen often, but even once is one time too many. Because, honestly, guys, the sex sulk is childish.

That dejected look you give us to make us feel guilty (it doesn't work, by the way), and moping around for hours (sometimes days) - you might as well throw your toys out of the pram already.

Sex might be great during the honeymoon period, but after a few years, our interest in it drops. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Living together and getting to know you, warts and all (sometimes, we're talking literal warts), kill the thrill. We don't hate you.

We'd just rather not have sex with you. Certainly not as often as you'd like. And you shouldn't always blame us.

It's partly your fault. You have to remember that sex is more than just a physical thing for a woman. We need to be wooed, courted, put in the mood.

And that mood does not come from seeing piles of your clothes on or around the laundry basket (not in it, as they're meant to be), picking up the stray socks you've strewn around the house (there's always at least one somewhere) and going home after a long day at work to find that you didn't bother to do the dishes even though you were the only one who had dinner at home.

There's also the fact that you don't seem to try as hard anymore. I mean, seriously, initiating sex by groping us? Our caveman forefathers had more imagination.

Want some advice? The next time we say no to sex, take it like a man. Try harder. If you want sex, make it seem like we're worth the effort.

Because, the fact is, we're not asking for that much. We don't need a romantic dinner beforehand. We don't need you to go all Christian Grey on us either. Sometimes, all we really want you to do is pick up those darn socks.

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