Got a relationship problem? Jason Godfrey, our resident columnist and man about town, is here to help.
Q: I hate the fact that my boyfriend cannot dress to save his life. He wears flip-flops and ratty T-shirts when we go out for dinner in town. I'm sometimes embarrassed to be seen with him. Am I a terrible girlfriend?
A: No, you're not a terrible girlfriend. All the women I dated hated the way I dressed and bought me clothes in the hope that I would change my style. It didn't work. I still dress like a bum. Don't try to change him. If he's sweet and gives you the respect you deserve, that's all you need. Any guy can wear a nice shirt; not every guy knows how to treat a woman.
Q: My man remains friends with his ex, which I'm cool about. But I discovered he's been discussing our sex life with her, and even getting her advice on how to please me in bed! Is this normal?
A: This could be totally normal or totally abnormal, but honestly, would you have been any happier if he had been discussing your sex life with anyone else? Guys tend not to have serious discussions about sex - unless you count bragging and exchanging high-fives. Your man probably didn't have anyone else to turn to, and in any case… it's his ex! They didn't work out, so don't worry about her. Take solace in the fact that he is trying to make you happy.
Q: My ex cheated on me and I broke off contact with him for five years. Lately, I've realised that I want to talk to him and get some closure. However, he's married with a baby now. Is it wise to dredge up the past when he's moved on?
A: It seems like you're still really hung up on him. So if you need to talk to him to move on, do it. It doesn't need to be heavy talk - you could simply send him an e-mail asking him how he's doing and congratulating him on his family. Just getting an amicable response might do wonders for you. And if he doesn't respond, officially file him under "Jerk" and be done with it.
Q: I suspect that my best guy friend's wife is cheating on him - I've seen her holding hands with another man in public. I don't know how to break it to my friend; I think that he'll get very defensive about his wife… any advice?
A: Was the other man hunched over and elderly? Maybe it was her father... or maybe not. This is a tough one. You should never make assumptions, and you don't want to bring this up to your friend on a mere hunch. Why not talk to his wife and gauge her response?
Casually say: "Oh! I saw you the other day at the market. You were with some guy." If she goes pale and stutters while giving an answer, that might mean you're on to something. If she nonchalantly mentions that she volunteers with handicapped adults and often leads them by the hand around places, you'll save yourself some embarrassment.
This article first appeared in the Jan 2015 issue of Her World.
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