Online gaming puts marriage offline

Online gaming puts marriage offline

Technology brought them together but technology would also tear them apart.

They met through a chat line, fell in love and got married.

Then he got hooked on online gaming.

Feeling neglected, she met a man on Facebook and he became her lover.

Her husband then ended up in jail for beating up the lover after finding out about the affair from her mobile phone.

On Tuesday, Yazid Ab Rahman, 33, a former security guard, was jailed six months for assaulting and cheating his wife's lover, Mr Abdul Hamid Md Jana, 27, of $2,880.

Yazid's wife, who wanted to be known only as Madam Jay, 29, said they met about 11 years ago on a chat line and got married on April 4, 2005.

She told The New Paper at her mother's oneroom rental flat in Ang Mo Kio yesterday that they were happy in the beginning.

She said: "He was such a gentleman. He was loving and understanding. He always put me first."

The mother of four children - two girls and two boys aged between seven and 14 years old - added that cracks appeared several years ago when Yazid started playing online games.

The cleaner, who earns $1,050 a month, said: "He played on his mobile phone for many hours a day.

"He would start playing the moment he reached home from work. Sometimes he would even play games overnight without sleeping.

"I felt he was putting me and our children aside. I was very sad. I felt like he had neglected me."

After she met Mr Hamid via Facebook in 2012, they became lovers the following year.

She said: "He knew I was married but he gave me the attention that I didn't get from Yazid, who had stopped taking me out by then.

"Hamid took me on outings and I felt special again."

But Yazid was furious when he stumbled on his wife's and her lover's messages on her mobile phone.

He contacted Mr Hamid, who agreed to meet in Jurong East last April to sort out the matter.

During the meeting, Yazid punched Mr Hamid multiple times on the face.

Madam Jay said she decided to end the affair after the incident to concentrate on her family.

But about three months later, she found out she was pregnant and did not know who the baby's father was.

MISCARRIAGE

When she had a miscarriage, Yazid took the opportunity to cheat Mr Hamid by asking him for $2,880 after claiming that his wife had had an abortion.

Yazid then quit his job as a security guard and would just turn to her ex-lover when he needed money, Madam Jay said.

She said she missed her husband, who is now in jail.

"I love him but he decided to divorce me last week. We are still in the process and he told me that I could have custody of all our children," she said.

"Both of us are at fault for allowing this whole mess to happen.

"Now I just want to concentrate on being a good mother to my kids."

Lack of open communication causes divorce

Most divorces are caused by a lack of communication between spouses.

Experts told The New Paper that couples need to have an open line of communication with each other to prevent their marriages from breaking down.

Marriage counsellor John Vasavan, who has been advising couples for more than 20 years, said: "From my experience, almost 90 per cent of divorces are due to a lack of communication.

"One party may feel neglected and this may lead to him or her seeking others for company. Sometimes, this leads to premarital affairs."

Commenting on the case involving Yazid Ab Rahman and his wife, Mr Vasavan said both parties could be blamed for their marital problems.

For one, there could be reasons Yazid decided to bury himself in online games.

"His wife, who felt neglected, could have asked him what was wrong and by communicating with each other, they could have tried to solve whatever problems they had," said Mr Vasavan.

Mr Willy Ho, lead counsellor and founder of The Counselling Paradigm, added: "She could also have tried to get people like his good friends and family members to talk to him to help find out what was wrong.

"The couple could also have gone for counselling to try to save the marriage. The marriage could have been saved if they had sought help earlier."

Marriage counselling

Aware helpline

1800 774 5935 (Monday to Friday, 3pm to 9.30pm)

Family Service Centres (FSCs) have professional social workers who provide premarital counselling services.

Call ComCare Call at 1800-222-0000 for the FSC nearest to you.

Muslim couples can also go to the Syariah Court which offers counselling to Muslim couples with marital difficulties.


This article was first published on January 22, 2015.
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